Its a BLOG! And Apparently, I'm supposed to write in it on a frequent, or at least semi-regularly fashion...apparently thats another one of the things I fail at. #loserstatus
Anywho kittles, greetings and Happy Festivus! That's right! It's December 23, meaning its Festivus! I have my Festivus pole erect (tee hee) and placed in the appropriate spot and I have scheduled the Feats of Strength for approximately 2 p.m. So, now for the final part of the Festivus Celebration, the Airing of Grievances. For anyone who's ever read this blog or met me for that matter, you should all be aware that the point of this blog is to pretty much air my grievances at will, but since a special holiday has been set aside to commemorate the event, then by all means, I think I should participate. Settle in Barnyard Critters, this could take a while.
1) The fucktards that think Monsanto is the cause of Chipotle's e coli outbreak. Are you fucking serious with this level of epic stupidity? Here's what's happened at Shitpotle...A. organic vegetables are quite often fertilized with shit. That's right. That organic tomato that you spent an extra dollar on has been covered in poo. B. There are no bathrooms in vegetable gardens so when you have to give birth to a chocolate covered squirrel, often, the second row from the back on the west end of the cilantro patch becomes the community WC. The lettuce leaves from across the way make for good toilet paper. C. Minimum wage, often poorly trained kitchen workers who really don't give a fuck are assembling your $8 1,200 calorie burrito. Sure, they may have washed their hands prior to taking your order, but they also just checked their Instagram account and sent a Snap to their girlfriend...do you know how many germs are on an average cell phone? Worse than a toilet seat. D. Its called karma, bitchatchoes. Karma. At least their e coli is responsibly sourced and GMO free.
2) Star Wars. I'm sorry but I couldn't give two shits about this movie or its franchise or its merchandise. I'm not sure I could even give two of YOUR shits about it...I care that little...
3) Cancer. Fuck you. Its affecting far too many people I care about right now and it can go eat a bag of dicks.
4) The construction at Casey's. I know, I know, progress is good and in a few short weeks it will all be worth it when the iced coffee machine is up and running and all of the beer is kept at a perfect 28 degrees in the walk in coolers, but for now, its really pissing me off. Do you know how many days in a row I have gone without my 24 ounce Hazlenut Coffee due to the fact that there is an epic clusterfuck in the parking lot? Three. Do you know how many days in a row it takes for me to lose my shit without my morning dose of coffee? Less than one. You do the math motherfuckers.
5) The assclown naysayers. You know who you they are. The ones that poo-poo everything and can't find a single positive thing to say about anything. To those of you who think the new truckstop won't pay enough, how many jobs have YOU created in this community? To those of you who think that the Rec Center will NEVER happen and that people who bowl can just drive out of town to do that sort of thing..you can kiss my fat, white, ass. I hope you never step foot into the place, then. Don't you dare stop by for a bite to eat or something to drink after a football game and don't even think about sending your miserable crotch fruit to the party my child will be hosting there.
6) Man buns. 1,3,5,7,9....cuz I CANT EVEN...I mean an entire canoe load of douche cannot appropriately describe this phenomenon.
7) That one chin hair that refuses to die, yeah, you...right there...I can feel you..I can even see you on occasion, but for some reason you elude the tweezers every fucking time...
8) This list...thats right...I have major grievances about compiling this list of grievances. In fact. I'm over it. Happy Festivus Assholes.
