Trying...really I am!

Trying to let sleeping dogs lie and not jump on the comment bandwagons....but really, have we met before?

Soooo, where to start?

Is anyone truly surprised that Phil Robertson said that he thought homosexuality was a sin? (Newsflash..that is what he said...he didn't say "I hate gay people.") He was asked by a reporter at GQ what he considered sin. He gave several answers starting with homosexuality then added beastality, adultery, and so on...he was never asked, "Who do you hate?" He was asked what he considered a sin. As a Christian, he (and I) were taught that sin is sin is sin and we are all sinners. (If anyone has read his book or knows anything about him, they would know that he himself is an adulterer.) He then added it was not his place to judge anyone and quote, "However, I would never treat anyone with disrespect just because they are different from me. We are all created by the Almighty and like Him, I love all of humanity. We would all be better off if we loved God and loved each other.”   

Now one can infer all they want about what his meaning was/is, the fact of the matter is...why are we surprised that he answered the way he did? 

Now whether or not you agree with what he said, I think we can all agree that A&E has shit in their own nest, as the Robertsons and Duck Dynasty are a cash cow/goldmine.

Now, what? Oh yes, to the Husker fan (not saying you are bad people...don't call me an intolerant Huskerphobe) who is on the IOWA STATE fan page on Facebook commenting that the only reason that BOTH ISU's mens and women's team are undefeated, is because the Big 12 is weak..could you PLEASE get immediate treatment for your headupassitis? Your level of fucktard is astonishing...the Big 12 schedule hasn't even started...go crawl back into your corn hole..

Why pray tell, do we need to see "exclusive, leaked footage" of Paul Walker's car crash, complete with morgue photos? No, just....No.

I am an aca-geek that is an..aca-loving..aca-excited..acapella geek because I am obsessed with the Sing Off. Miss Jaci is in awe because, 'I met those guys!!!' I touched the one with the beard and I shook the hand of the one with the low voice.' So, she's tight with the boys from Home Free and is loving the fact that they are on TV...me too actually. Tim Foust's bass is ridiculous...

Holiday shopping is nearing 35% completion...next year everyone is getting their gifts from Amazon. If it cannot be found and ordered on Amazon, pick something else. I ordered three things from there on Tuesday...they arrived today, with FREE two day shipping. 

Holiday baking is around 10% complete...I made a pan of sugar cookie bars...Miss Jaci is bound and determined we make Mr. Birks some oreo balls, so, I will be doing that tonight, at 9 p.m. when I get off work and am watching my dvr'ed episode of the Sing Off...that is if the rat bastards I live with don't hit cancel on my recording...(Can't you feel the holiday love?)

Bah Humbug!

With the holiday season upon us, I’ve found myself in a quandary…I’ve lost my fa-la-la. With Miss Jaci begging to set up the Christmas tree, I figured I had better search for it, fast. So, I poured my self some “holiday cheer” also known as eggnog with a splash (oh, who are we kidding—healthy pour) of spiced rum and started my search.

My fa-la-la has been slowly fading over the past several years and I knew finding might be a challenge. In years past, I have decorated every nook and cranny and shopped with great excitement. I am the girl that one year made my own wrapping paper and got glue gun burns making fancy bows with silk poinsettias attached. I am also the gal who hosted a holiday bake-a-thon with my mother, mother in-law and two sisters-in-law and cranked out 15 different kinds of cookies and candies in one joyful (??) afternoon. This year…I’m not feeling any of it.

 I braved the basement and located the numerous boxes and bags of Christmas “stuff” and started hauling the big tree up the stairs. After throwing my back out and pulling muscles I didn’t know I had only to find myself half way up the steps, I decided to just put up the smaller tree. (See? I was once a “more than one Christmas tree” person!)

With the small tree and the decorations hauled to the main floor and Jaci excitedly decorating, I began to go through the décor to decide what to put out, what to keep and what to throw away. Each box and bag triggered a memory from Christmases past.

I thought of the time my younger brother got a pony. Santa had left it tied in the basement and it pooped all over.

As I hung the stockings, I couldn’t help but think of the stockings that hung when I was a child. Mom hung our stockings in the double doorway between the kitchen and living room. Always feeling left out; my dad would tack up a pair of my mom’s pantyhose right in the middle, telling us that was “his stocking.” Santa would always drop an orange into each foot of the nylons and by Christmas morning, those puppies would be hanging to the floor.

I thought of all the times the entire Jensen clan filled Grandma and Grandpa’s tiny house and fought over Grandma’s Chex mix, always set out in recycled margarine containers. Being one of the youngest, by the time I got to it, all that was left was cereal, a few pretzel sticks and the occasional Brazil nut.

Grandpa Clarence’s sleigh bells from the horse drawn sleigh came to mind, too. Each Christmas he would sneak away and start jingling them to let us Grandkids know that Santa was near.

I laughed at the memory of our first Christmas as a young family. I had conned Dan into buying me a real tree and I thought I had picked the “perfect one.” I set it up in the corner of the living room in front of the door that no one used during the winter. Little did I know just how genius of a move that would be, as the dumb thing wouldn’t stay up. After finding it lying on the floor for the third time, I wrapped fishing line around the trunk in several places and tied it to the doorknob.

With the tree finally staying upright, a new problem emerged…the tree would give off a funky smell every once in a while. We couldn’t figure out what was causing it until we witnessed the source. You see, our faithful and spoiled rotten hunting dog, Bud, was allowed to come into the porch on nights when it was rather cold. Little did we know he didn’t stay in the porch, but instead took a nightly constitutional around the house. That journey included peeing on the Christmas tree. I was told I couldn’t get mad at him because he was a dog and it was a tree and dogs pee on trees.

This was also the same Christmas where I had volunteered to cook Christmas dinner for my mother-in-law’s extended family. (A suicide mission if there ever was one, I know.) I planned to do turkey and all the trimmings, complete with pie featuring my mother’s famous piecrust. The night before the event, I took the lard out of the freezer to thaw. (Yes, I said lard…pie crust needs lard.) The next morning, I got up and set about to start the pies. I went to the kitchen and the lard was nowhere to be found. I thought that Dan must have put it back in the freezer, so I went to retrieve the missing pork fat. It was then that I discovered where my lard had gone. Bud, on his evening journey had decided it would make a good snack, only his stomach did not agree after he wolfed down the entire package, plastic wrap and all. The evidence was in a giant puke puddle on my back porch rug.

As I reminisced and finished the decorating, the last piece I put up for display was the Christmas basket I made for one of my Grandma’s. (Yep, I used to MAKE gifts, too!) It is just a simple basket with greenery wrapped around the handle and the edge. It has gold ribbon and tiny, white lights strung throughout the greenery and features a lovely bow and white silk poinsettia blooms throughout. In the center is a ceramic Nativity. It was then and there that my search had ended. What had been lost, was found; for there, in the tiny manger of that Dollar Store Nativity Scene was the real reason for the season…there was my missing fa-la-la. 

No wonder we're doomed...

Lets have a simple photo comparison and analysis to show why we as a society are doomed and/or screwed up, use whichever wording you prefer.
Lady Gaga does this and we call her a genius...an artist like the world has never seen...brilliant!

Now, dear Miley Cyrus does this

and we call her troubled, a whore, disgusting and attention mongering....

I'm sorry, but what????? Granted, I could live without Miley sticking her tongue out or licking a hammer, but how are Gaga's whorish and outlandish ways called genius, yet we label Miley's just plain whorish? Double standard much?

Here's another fine example of why we're screwed..albeit without photos this time. A death row inmate in Ohio wants to donate his organs....his execution has been stayed because some dipshit bleeding heart fucktard has convinced some "higher-up" that death row inmates donating organs may cause judges and juries to order death penalties more often...Again, I'm sorry, but what???? I think death row inmates should be MANDATED to donate organs if they are in good health. Judges and juries do not order the death penalty enough...now I know the argument that it costs quadruple the money to house a death row inmate versus one serving a life sentence, but it SHOULDN'T! Schools and nursing homes should be funded fully like prisons are and prisons should be given $5,280 per inmate and the rest of the funding should have to come from donated boxtops and Target.

On a totally unrelated side note, one would think my phone and computer would start to recognize words like fucktard and dipshit and not try to turn them into words like fun turd and dips hit....it would save me a SHITLOAF of editing.

Now, let's see what else can I bitch about...oh, yes...I get having school spirit and hometown pride but to the 20-somethings still living in mommy's basement, your armchair quarterbacking and rubbing the score in is laughable...those HIGH SCHOOL KIDS on the field, are just that KIDS, so leave your name calling, f-bomb skank ass comments to yourself..how many playoff games did you win sweetie? Oh, that's right, you never PLAYED. Oh that's right, you're a female who thinks first down is a drinking game. STFU and go back to your home on whore island.

Speaking of whore island..I can't WAIT for the new Anchorman movie...I can already smell the rich mahogany. 

And we act surprised?

Without a doubt there is a decline in the moral fabric of society...I am at fault and so are countless others. I mean, hello...I drop the F-bomb like no other, where as my mother still cringes when she hears another say it and I'm quite certain my mother-in-law has heart palpitations when she hears it. Its one of those "things that has changed."
Here are a few changes I noticed over the weekend, and with their acknowledgement, I wonder why we even act surprised anymore when someone does something deemed crude, shocking, disrespectful or obscene?
Now, I am by no means a prude, but I found it laughable that the ABCFAMILY channel, FAMILY channel, I said, was showing "Pretty Woman" and "Burlesque" back to back last evening. Excuse me? The FAMILY channel is showing a movie about a prostitute done good followed by singing "dancers" wearing fishnets and pasties and we wonder why clothing for young girls borders on slutty? I was taken aback by that one.
I also saw a study that said that today's PG13 movies are MORE violent than rated R movies were in the 80's. We are supposed to be surprised by that? Hello? Violence is all around us, whether it comes from video games dominated by gunfire to the 10 o'clock news to the amount of television shows that require a warning prior to viewing, we are inundated by violent images, like never before. What's interesting in the study was the juxtaposition (man I like using big words) between violence rated in movies and sex rated in movies. Violence in movies has been increasingly downplayed, to the point of getting PG-13 and even straight PG ratings, where even a brief sex scene, automatically gets you an R rating. It makes little sense to me...we would rather explain gratuitous gun violence to our 13 year olds instead of explaining sex to them? And we wonder why unstable young people see no problem with violence and acting out....I'd rather see them having too much sex.
In a society where parental involvement and responsibility is waning, should we really act surprised at anything anymore? Yes, it's true, I've snuck my teenager into rated R movies and I've purchased him adult video games, but I have also instilled in him a healthy dose of what is real and what is fiction and that there are consequences to your actions.
(sigh) I guess seeing things like Pretty Woman on the family channel is another sign that I am getting old...perhaps I'll start using the f-word less...(gee talk about fiction.)

I am as nervous

as a dog shitting tacks...AAACK...and I'm not doing anything tonight but yelling like a fool with my rowdy cheering section. So, I am going to try to blog and get my mind off of things for at least a few minutes....welcome to another edition of random thoughts.
I hate new bras...they are like new shoes, always take a week or two to get broke in.
My friend Sam is a tremendous veggie cook. Black bean and butternut squash enchiladas with homemade guac (Hey Woman, turns out I love this green shit.) It was fabulous. I think lunch date Fridays, or potluck Fridays will become a habit.
I have officially made it 7 hours in a white sweatshirt without spilling coffee, tea, enchilada sauce or anyth....aw fuck...way to jinx myself.
I was unaware that wing suit flying is considered a sport...I just thought it was fucking idiotic, but what do I know?
If you have a good ten minutes to kill, google Amazon Banana Cutter, some of the funniest shit you will ever read is listed in the review section...trust me, its worth it!
Oh who am I kidding, I can't concentrate on anything...GO WHEELERS!!!!!!! ROLL ON!!!!

Things I will never understand...

Jello...I know what it is, I have made it many a time, i will just never understand how it actually works. (For anyone wishing to give a scientific blah, blah, blah something to do with gelatin explanation--save it.)
Society, as a whole...The CMA's poke fun at Obamacare (brilliantly-might I add) and there is outrage over such "blatant disrespect." However, any celebrity or even quasi-celebrity who poked fun and G.W. Bush, or Sarah Palin, or Michelle Bachman, and the list goes on and on is deemed genius? I don't get it...we're only supposed to think things are funny if EVERYONE thinks its funny?
People, in general...Hallmark designed an ugly sweater ornament, they placed the words 'Don we now our fun apparel' and were instantly vilified for removing the word "gay." Seriously, can we just go ahead and get the fuck over ourselves now? A. Its an ornament people, not a political statement. B. As the CEO of Hallmark pointed out, the point in wearing ugly Christmas sweaters is for the FUN of the event. and C. Did anyone ever think that perhaps Hallmark didn't want to pay copyright royalties? (Although I do think that most Christmas Carols are old enough that they are considered public domain, but I'm hazy on that.)
Pot....seriously, I don't get it....its a drug that makes you sleepy and hungry...I've never needed assistance being sleepy or hungry... EVER. In fact, I don't ever recall a time in my adult life when I haven't been tired...
Plus-sized bikinis...being a girl with a little extra junk in her--well everywhere-there are things no one wants to see and someone in a size 22 bikini is one of them.
The lyrics to the song "Informer" by Snow...seriously I don't understand a damned word of it. I mean I am 98% certain he is not singing, "I'll lick your boom-boom there" but I'll be god-damned if that's not what it sounds like he's singing. (Then again I've added phrases like "yes-around" to Black Crowes songs, so perhaps I am not the one to ask.)
:)

Overwhelmed

There is so much to talk about today, I'm not even sure where to begin! Lets get the serious business out of the way first...
Three days, three suicides in a three county area...my heart hurts for the loved ones left behind to pick up the pieces and to forever ask unanswered questions. I pray for comfort and peace to find them. Suicide has twice affected my family and I know how raw those wounds can be. It serves as a stark reminder to us all to love deeply, listen closely, hug harder and let the bullshit go.
Earlier this week, the internet blew up with a letter that a mom in North Dakota was going to hand out during Halloween letting some of the children trick or treating know that they were fat and they were not going to get candy. Some media outlets are now saying it was a hoax, I don't give a shit if that's the case because even as a hoax it sucks. Big time. Yes, childhood obesity is a problem in the U.S. HOWEVER having a few pieces of Halloween candy is not a contributing factor. I believe I am not alone when I say that my children will eat a few pieces of candy for a few days after Halloween (after Mom and Dad have taken all of the good shit out of the bucket) then the rest sits. Months later mom will find the remaining candy in a mouse nest under the kids' dresser. Childhood obesity, I believe, is in direct correlation to kids leading a more sedentary lifestyle, coupled with poor nutritional choices on a daily basis, not for one holiday. ANY child on ANY given day will chose pizza, chicken nuggets, ranch dressing a sugar snacks over carrot sticks and tofu. The problem continues when that is all they are offered and that doesn't have a damned thing to do with trick or treating. FURTHERMORE if you don't want to "contribute to the growing epidemic of childhood obesity" either don't participate in trick or treating or hand out stickers, don't turn into a sanctimonious, better than thou cuntbucket who wants to tell little kids that they're fat. And we wonder why there is an eating disorder epidemic with attitudes like this? I was a "thick, cornfed" kid, still am. Do you think I didn't know I was a little bigger than some of my friends? Do you think that it didn't bruise my self esteem and make me self conscious? To have a stranger, and an adult for that matter tell me, as a child, that I was fat would be devastating. I'd like to go knock this woman on her pretentious ass and then do it again when and if she got back up. Gah...this one made me seethe.
Today, it was reported that Food Stamps are taking a cut, effective today. Mass panic, mass name calling, mass political debate on who's fault it was soon followed in chatrooms and on comment sections online. First off, its false reporting, the program is not being cut. The Food Stamp program was TEMPORARILY given a boost several years ago during the recession. The TEMPORARY increase has run out. The funding is being returned to the previous levels. It amounts to a reduction of about $36 for a family of four. Now don't get me wrong, there are times were I would LOVE to have an extra $36 bucks, especially when I have about 36 CENTS to my name until next paycheck, but if you think about it, that amounts to $8 per person less, per month. I have to stay on a budget, I sometimes have to "tighten the purse strings," frankly, I'd like to say to those complaining, tough shit. Next time, don't turn down that bag of potatoes because you "don't know what to do with them." Buy the chicken legs instead of the chicken nuggets. THIS IS A SUPPLEMENTAL PROGRAM. It's not meant to cover the ENTIRE expense.
I'm not delusional enough to think that there aren't people out there who rely on this program and who sorely need it, I know that. But again, the help is meant to be temporary and assistance. It should not be your sole source of food. If you have children and you are on SNAP, chances are you also qualify for free and reduced school lunch and breakfast, so that's 10 less meals per week you have to provide..it is possible to eat cheap, you just have to plan and chose wisely. The program is not a hand out to be relied on year after year after year, especially when you use what cash you do have on big screen t.v.'s, video games and smokes. Use THAT money to make up for your $36 loss. It also burns my ass to no end to know that there are jobs out there that could help supplement a family's income, as well, but its "more beneficial" to not work and take the hand outs.
I won't even get started on the Affordable health Care Act and the debacle that was the launch of the website...it's the tip of the iceberg folks and I have yet to see anything that tells me differently. Again, there are "parts" of the bill that needed to be put in place, namely, the elimination of pre-existing condition exclusions, but that's pretty much it, granted I haven't read the whole thing (neither has 98% of Congress, so I'm not alone) but what's starting to come to light with this law is troubling, to say the least.
It's play-off time BABY! Can we get a big HELL YEAH, for my Wheelers? Let's keep that "garage full of Wheelers" rolling! So proud of not only how they are playing, but the sportsmanship and team pride they are displaying. Even when being told by the opposing team to "Go fuck yourself" our boys are still helping the other team up off the ground and telling them, "Nice play."
And finally, I was told earlier this week that I had the "Memory of a Missouri Mule"....I think this is a good thing...I'll take it as a compliment, right or wrong...I'd rather be a mule than an ass!