Feeling like Fallon

I feel like Jimmy Fallon when he writes his "Thank You Notes" segment each time I have one of my "Dear" postings...it's worked for Jimmy, so far, I think, it works for me too.

Dear Swap Site People, When posting that you are "ISO River Ruckus tickets"how many times does one need to reply "tickets are still available at midwest.com or at the grocery store in Guthrie" before you fucking pay attention? P.S. Why is it that we who do not live in Carroll or Atlantic are expected to drive to you, but you never make an effort to leave your zip code?

Dear Des Moines Register/WHO/KCCI, can we go one day without posting something that gets people all riled up about either the President or the Governor? Just one day. Let's get riled up about something better, or more original like Jennifer Aniston's latest hairstyle, or the fact that Breaking Bad is in it's final season. I am really tired of the same old arguments from both sides praising or lambasting and calling those who have different opinions brainless.

Dear swimsuit bottoms, next time you decide to hide from me, take the pair of black SPANX with you so I don't get confused....I mean I knew I wasn't swimsuit model material, but no fucking wonder I looked so weird yesterday when I put you on....

Dear national media, Here are the list of things I do not want to hear another word about: Trayvon Martin and George Zimmerman, gay marriage or lack thereof, breastfeeding in public, Justin Beiber, and Kate Middleton's pregnancy (that now will take care of itself shortly, I think the media hit rock bottom when the term "royal loins" were used to describe where the baby would come from.) These topics are becoming nauseating in the different spins each media outlet tries to put on them. I don't mean to say that some of these things are not important issues, its just getting to be a bit much....if there is a NEW development or NEW subject that pertains to marriage rights (I use this term rather than gay marriage or straight marriage) then please share it with us, regurgitating the same stories is getting annoying. And I'm sorry, but President Obama, will be be commenting on EVERY tragic death of a teenager, or just this one in particular?

Dear "STUDIES" and "Polls" until you include me or, anyone I know for that matter, in one of your studies or polls, I call bullshit on whatever you find...