Things that make you go hmmmm...

Those of you who are 90's kids now are jamming to C&C Music Factory in your heads aren't you? If not, this will help.

Things that make you go hmmmm are another one of my "random" posts. Basically a bunch of different topics that make one scratch their head and say, "Hmmmm" or in my case "What the fuck?"

Lets start with one that we can all agree on....gas prices jumped 20 cents a gallon today. The price is $3.82 per gallon. On Sunday, in Stuart at a gas station along the interstate, where gas prices are normally higher, it was $3.48....What the fuck? Oh sorry..."Hmmmmm" It's like weight on a woman. I can gain 10 pounds overnight but it takes me three weeks to lose 10 pounds.

Gas prices are jumping by 10 and 20 cents at a time and approaching the $4 mark again and no one is blaming President Obama....each time gas prices jumped five years ago, it was GWB's fault...."Hmmmmmm."

People who continuously use their children as pawns...What the fuck? (Sorry, but this one goes beyond "Hmmmm" status.) I get so inflamed about this topic that my rage is hard to put into words. A child needs the love, attention and influence of BOTH parents when and if at all possible. I don't give a shit what your excuse or reasons are for using your baby as a pawn, but its deplorable. I look at it this way...no matter what has happened between the two of you, at one time, you "laid nice" and a child was born. Swallow your stupid, egotistical pride, check your jealousy at the door and STOP abusing your child, because basically, that's what's happening when you use them as a pawn. **Time for a disclaimer....fortunately my DH and I get along famously (most days) and I have never had to go through a custody battle. HOWEVER, I see the relationship my children have with their father and I think often of the relationship I have with my dad and I would NEVER, no matter the circumstance, interfere with that, because I would be doing much more damage to my child than the assumed "payback" I would be giving to the EX.**

People who *most likely* but not always, trespass to hunt morel mushrooms then turn around and sell them for $30 a pound...Hmmmm....

Along those same lines, the morel mushroom obsession.....seriously people, why, pray tell, do you put something in your mouth that is in the same biological family as athlete's foot and jock itch? All are a fungus, but you deem one a delicacy?

Cousins....Yummm!!! (Excuse me while I go lose my lunch...) I think this warrants a WTF?

American Idol is still on television and to some, still has relevancy...Hmmmmmm. Let's be honest people..it's in it's 12th season, I believe, and other than Carrie Underwood, Kelly Clarkson and Chris Daughtry, who didn't even win, are ANY of the winners even relevant in the music industry? Jennifer Hudson (not a winner) best known for Weight Watchers endorsement.....Fantasia, best known for her life being a Lifetime movie.....does anyone actually remember anyone else from this show?

Mommy Dearest

I pretty much stole this idea from my friend "The Brown Eyed Gem." It's a list of things I'd like for Mother's Day...getting me one or all of these things is the least you can do after the nine months of continuous vomiting, the period known as "dry heave til you piss your pants" and the oh so lovely round of ulcerative colitis...You two are lucky you're cute.
1) I would like a new gas grill. Yes, I realize this is more of a "Father's Day" type of gift, but come on, we all know who does the cooking in my household and that includes the grilling. Now, those of you screaming blasphemy at me for not fully appreciating my good old Weber Kettle grill, this mama doesn't have time to spend 45 minutes "nurturing my coals" and praying to the bar-b-que Gods that the sons of bitches stay lit and get to the appropriate "ash gray" consistency. I also do not have the patience to deal with the small forest fire type flare ups that tend to occur. I do agree that charcoal tastes better and on lazy Sunday afternoons, I have no problem embracing the Weber, but when the family want a burger, is it too much to ask to have a big, bad ass behemoth sitting there that lights with the push of a button? (I don't think so...and if you think it's too much to ask...remember ulcerative colitis...I win.)
2) I want just one day where I don't have to do an ounce of housework. One day where someone else does it. Now, I don't need basement to attic deep cleaning. I don't even need swiffered floors or an empty sink. I want one goddamned day where the dishes walk themselves back to the kitchen instead of staying dormant on the nightstand or end table. I want one day where the socks and wet towels get put in the laundry basket instead of a pile on the floor. (And socks, could you go ahead and turn yourself inside right instead of staying wadded up in a ball?) I want one single, solitary day when I don't have to change the toilet paper roll, wipe beard hair out of my bathroom sink or try to decipher what the hell that smell is and where it is coming from.
3) On the same note, I want one week of someone else "taking care of things." (I realize this is fantasy land here, but a girl can dream.) I want one week of not having to remember the dance class, golf, FFA, 4-H, soccer, tennis and work schedules. I want one week of not having to remember to buy milk or toilet paper. One week of not having to concern myself with anyone else's business, but my own.
4) Really, truly, I would like to take a shit or a hot bath without someone knocking on the bathroom door or hollering my name....

5) Ok, now I realize that all of those things are asking too much, at least from my family...so I will settle for some flowers, some jewelry, some wine, or at least let me sleep in and then order a pizza for lunch because really...this is what mommy wants...

Baaa-Baa Black Sheep

Sorry I have been neglecting things here in the Barnyard....shit must be getting deep, huh? Anyway, thought I would check in with you all today and share my utter and total disbelief at the amount of Sheeple that exist in the internet "comment section" world....and by that I mean people who have whole heartedly wrapped their tiny little minds around one particular "cause" and sputter and spit about it whenever they can even though they have ZERO actual knowledge of what they speak. They are the same type of people who, when tragedy strike, feel the need to hide in their home ensconced in bubble wrap. They piss and moan and whine and jump on every band wagon they can find.
The Governor is giving tax incentives to a new fertilizer plant coming to southeast Iowa. I read the article and postings via television and newspaper sites and then proceeded to read the comments section. Between the people screaming in horror that it will no doubt explode, just like the one in Texas, that it would only bring "low paying jobs" to the area and that "BIG AG" is Satan incarnate and is the cause for everything evil in the world from famine to Justin Beiber, I could not find one sane person with a legitimate comment.
Here's the deal folks, the counties in the southeast part of the state have the highest unemployment in all of Iowa. The only industry booming over there is meth. I have no idea what those jobs pay and those of you eating cheetos and playing on line instead of working don't either, so low pay or high pay, new jobs are a good thing. So are tax incentives. Tax incentives are a necessary evil of wooing big business, like it or not, it's how the game is played. Without those incentives, the fertilizer plant may have decided to hop the river and build in Illinois, then you same people bitching about the plant coming would be bitching because it didn't come to Iowa.
And those screaming about how "BIG AG" is the devil. I would for just ONE week, like to see EVERY business who is impacted by Iowa's ag economy shut down. Perhaps then you whack-jobs would see what agriculture does for this state and does for each and every one of us.
It was also announced this week that Mid American Energy is investing $1.9 billion in wind energy projects in the state...again there are whackadoos calling wind energy horrible and questioning what happens to those giant windmills when technology advances and the windmills are deemed useless....(THUD) Because wind is going to disappear? Because Mid American made wind, right????? Seriously....you bitch and whine and moan about coal and nuclear and fossil fuels, so we have harnessed the wind and are converting into energy and that is a bad thing too? Will you never be happy?
Le sigh....
I hate that I just talk to you people when I have something to bitch about..perhaps I will have a better story tomorrow, after all, today we being breeding season....Seeders were put in and pulled and today, the girls get A.I.'ed....That's right kids, 50-some horny heifers are roaming our pasture today. Hide your bulls.
Oh, and we weighed in the sheep and goats too, I am sure we will have many a story on the taming of those little guys. For those of you keeping score that means two steers, three breeding heifers, two market goats, two market lambs, two breeding goats, a bottle bucket calf...and a partridge in a pear tree.

Seriously? STFU....

I'm going to keep this relatively short and sweet today...I fully realize that we, as women, are catty, bitchy, jealous creatures and by no means do I ever expect the female collective to join together and sing 'Kumbaya' on a regular basis...that shit ain't happening. However, can we please, please, please stop giving EACH OTHER complexes over our appearance? Society, as a whole; the media, the fashion industry and things with penises give us plenty of reason to hate our bodies, so WHY, pray tell do we need to do it to each other?

Plain and simple start sending this skank some hate mail (yes, I realize by calling her a skank I am defeating the whole 'stop picking on each other movement' but you will understand the need for the title of stupid skankbucket in a moment..)

Meet Anna Megan Raley, who goes by the pen name Claire Crawley, she is a blogger for CBS. She...as in the one posted above this ^^^^^^^^^ called another gal "too chunky to cheer."
Here is the gal she called "Too Chunky to Cheer."

Bitch, please...Jealous much????? The gal pictured here ^^^^^ is a cheerleader for the Oklahoma City Thunder.... Her name is Kelsey Williams...

Too Chunky to Cheer????? I cannot even come up with a remark disparaging enough to express my disgust for Ms. Raley....
I'd like to bitchslap the skankbucket....

JC

First class ticket to the nuthouse

They say the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results....no shit Sherlock. The sad thing is, ALL of us are guilty of causing insanity in our own lives. What I would like to see is that we either change what we are doing in order to get different results or just shut the fuck up...
Now, I will say this, I love you all my followers and Facebook friends, but I got to come clean with ya...if you keep making the same mistakes over and over and over again, and bitching about those mistakes over and over and over again, you are going to get bitch slapped, MMM-kay? It doesn't mean I don't like you, it just means you need to wake the fuck up. (Sorry, I think Kenny may still be lurking around here.)

If you only date immature, drunken, douchebag losers, that is what you will be stuck with...so, when you break up, don't go back to the immature, drunken, douchebag loser. (Doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.) Another note, and I can say this because A. I am old and B. I have experience in the matter. No matter what you think, you will not change him. He is not a science project, he is not a rescue pet, he be who he be and there is nothing you can do to make him different. You will simply adapt to his ways and either learn to live with them or you will get the fuck out.

If you think the world owes you something and that "society" didn't prepare you for life, you need a fist to the throat.. Blaming a group of others for your failures or shortcomings is like me blaming the Lay's Potato Chip Company for the size of my ass. They make chips, therefore it is their fault I am fat....um no. Here's a quick life lesson...life is a bitch. Do not expect to get handed things (unless you are a welfare rat.) Do not expect things to be tidy and simple and always organized. Life is messy and complicated and frequently fucked up. No, you will not always get the top job. No, you will not make six figures right out of college. No you will not always live in a nice house and drive a new car. There may be a day where you have to wipe someone's ass while living in a rental property and driving a Mercury Topaz... Not to go all lame ass quote happy on you but, in the words of the Gambler, "You got to know when to hold em and know when to fold em." Sometimes you go ahead and play the hand you were dealt, other times you say "fuck it" and wait for the next hand, but no matter what, it's not the fault of the dealer, its how YOU play the game.

Both of these go back to a previous post, take ownership of what you do and the choices you make. Be accountable. Don't blame others for the path you are on. It's not to say others don't exude a certain influence on you, but at the end of the day, the choices you make are YOURS...if you choose to take the douchebag back, chances are, he's going to fuck you over again. If you choose to blame someone else for something you had control over, chances are you will make the same mistake. If you choose to eat the cheddar crisps and not the celery, your jeans will continue to be tight...
I don't want to come across as a cold hearted bitch, because I know that we all need encouragement once in a while and we all need to bitch and gripe and get things off of our chest, but at the same time, stop for a minute and think about the choices you make and the outcome of those choices. If at the end of the day you are going to be okay with what happens, then more power to ya. If you aren't okay with what might happen...then stop the insanity...

Listen here you WhipperSnappers...

You'll have to forgive me, it seems as though the crotchety old man who lives inside me has a lot to say. For the sake of simplicity, we will call that my "Kenny" side...(For those of you who get that reference, good work.)
Anywho Kenny is pissed. Kenny is wishing we could go back to a time where people had respect for each other. A time where your word meant something. A time when people had pride and ambition and accountability. But unfortunately, accountability is hiding in the same black hole that common sense is hanging out in.
What has triggered Kenny's rage? Well, nothing in particular, Kenny is just an old asshole who likes to bitch about things and today, he's going to bitch about government hand outs, which in a round about way leads back to accountability. We, as a society don't hold people accountable like we should, with the exception of criminals and even then, the ground is shaky there. We make excuses and put asterisks next to their names. We say, "His mommy didn't love him enough, his mommy loved him too much, he has a mental defect, he started hanging out with the wrong crowd." Bullshit, Kenny says. Why can we not just say, "He made a bad decision, he needs to own up to it and live with the consequences."
Not following me yet? Think of the 16-year-old pothead named Janelle who gets pregnant. Do we hold her accountable for a poor choice? Nope, we put her on MTV, throw cash at her and call her miserable life entertainment.
Here's one more for you and this example, we (as in Kenny and I) think this will help you understand where we are going here...Miss Thing drops out of high school at 15 because she, like Janelle, is with child. Instead of making the best of her situation and attempting to get a GED and a job, she shits out four more kids with three different baby daddies and signs up for every government hand out she can get, because we didn't hold her accountable for her first bad choice. We said, "There, there, here's some food stamps and some rent assistance." Meanwhile, she sits on her front porch all day in her pajama pants smoking Pall Malls waiting for her government check. And we ALLOW IT!!! If we try to change it or speak out against that behavior we are called heartless cretins with no compassion. I have plenty of compassion. I also have a job and a diploma. Two things Miss Thing has never bothered to get, because we don't make her and that is the root of why the system is broken. (Yeah, I know, broad generalizations, not everyone is like that, there are people who truly need help, blah, blah, blah...I know, but I am getting damned tired of busting my ass and working more than one job so I can pay for other people's Grape soda and cheese curls.)
Here is how Kenny would fix this problem. Assistance would be given to the elderly, the ill and families with kids aged five and under capped out at three kids. (If you can't feed 'em don't breed 'em.) Gone are the days where your check shows up in the mail or your card is automatically reloaded. If you want your assistance, you show up and meet with your counselor on a monthly basis. While at that meeting, you will be required to take a class. Parenting, nutrition, financial management, typing, anything that can teach you a little more about how to take care of yourself. You will undergo an annual physical. You will be subject to random drug testing. You will get a high school diploma or a GED if you do not already have one, within three months of signing up, or your benefits are suspended until you get it done. If you are under the age of 60, we won't give you rental assistance or government housing, but we will pay for your childcare and you can find a job. Any job. You will show us you have work ethic. It doesn't matter if its flipping a burger, mopping a floor or driving a cab. No job is beneath you if you want MY tax dollars. You now have a diploma and no children at home to take care of since we are paying for your daycare, so you can go ahead and find a job. You can have some skin in the game. You can have some accountability.
You will be subject to surprise in home visits. Your school aged children will be required to attend school regularly and if little Junior starts skipping class in 7th grade, we will put him in a special school and your ass will get charged with child neglect or allowing truancy. Behavior is learned.  If alcohol or cigarettes are found in your possession, we will cut your benefits. If you have $10 to buy your Pall Malls and your Old Mill, you have $10 to buy milk, bread and peanut butter to feed your family so I don't have to. You want your smokes instead? Fine, don't take the handout.
Sounds harsh doesn't it? But here's the thing...if you are never held accountable, if you never invest anything in your future or contribute to society, you will forever be standing there with your hand out.
I can hear people screaming about how much more a system like this would cost because you would have to employ so many more people...(um, isn't unemployment still pretty high?) I would gladly pay more taxes for a program like this because maybe, just maybe, people would see assistance for what it is, a TEMPORARY help, not a lifestyle. I can also hear people screaming at me begging me to have a heart. I get tired of that argument. I have lived paycheck to paycheck. I have maxed out credit cards buying diapers and milk. I have taken a job washing dishes. I have even taken government assistance. Go ahead, call me a hypocrite. I was on Title 19 when pregnant with Drew. As soon as he was born, I GOT OFF OF IT! Temporary assistance, it lasted less than 7 months.
As many of you know, Drew is going to Haiti this summer. The group he is going with is teaching Haitians to be self sufficient. Seventy percent of Haitians live on $2 or less a day, 80% of them are unemployed, yet these people line up to learn how to take care of themselves. They want to learn to feed themselves and grow their own crops and maybe learn a trade. If we can teach people who don't speak a lick of English and reside in the poorest country in the western hemisphere to provide for themselves instead of relying on others, why can't we accomplish it in our own backyard?
(Disclaimer: As previously mentioned, Kenny is an asshole, so don't go blaming me entirely for this rant. I do realize that the good and decent thing to do is take care of one another and love one another and help one another and give. But it just seems like the givers are always giving and the takers continue to take...)

Yeah, I'm lazy

Because Sambucca is an ugly, one legged, cross-eyed back alley hooker, I am phoning one in today and deeming it a Throw Back Thursday. I went through some of my old notes in Facebook today and discovered that I am a fucking genius, so I am posting something I wrote over a year ago when the "pink slime" controversy started. Enjoy, or don't I am tired and hungover and couldn't give a shit less either way today. Peace out.

So, I am going to talk about “pink slime”…The topic makes my skin crawl and not in the way that some people may think. If you haven’t heard anything about this topic (like a certain loved one of mine) let me fill you in. Jaime Oliver, chef from the Food Network, did a quasi-investigation, uncovering the “horrors” of what he called “pink slime” and how it was in ground beef and in public school lunches. What Oliver failed to mention in his effort to create public outcry and to demean the beef industry, if that this product, is 100% safe. It is 100% beef. It is a byproduct. It is lean. It is completely harmless. First off, lets stop calling it pink slime and call it what it is.  Which is, Lean Finely Textured Beef. A truly all beef product made extra lean by physically removing the fat via centrifuge, then treated with a slight ammonia gas as an extra measure to be sure there is no bacteria present; like e-coli.

The part that makes my skin crawl is that this is the proverbial molehill made into a mountain. This “outcry” has caused beef prices to drop. It has caused, to date, 650 Iowans to lose their jobs. And for what? Because some Food Network lackey said it was “icky”?

Call me a sheep, call me blind, I don’t care what you call me, but frankly, I don’t care what is in my food, as long as its safe and it tastes good.

Another reason my skin crawls is that this Oliver character, is making these claims to further his own publicity/agenda. He has no clue the impact he could have on the economy, especially farm economies driven by the beef industry. My parents are beef producers, so were my grandparents. My in-laws are beef producers, my husband and I are beef producers and my children are being raised to be beef producers. The claims these so called celebrities make against my industry can directly affect my livelihood, and yes, it infuriates me. Especially when the claims are baseless. What people like Oliver and others in his company fail to realize is that when beef prices drop, everyone in town is subject to feeling those affects. Farmers get less money for their product, but often, their inputs don’t go down in price, so they make less money. Less money made means less money spent at restaurants, gift stores, clothing stores, shoes stores, mom and pop stores and the like, meaning, discretionary spending goes out the window.

If there were a case of a meat packing company putting harmful chemicals or using something that is dangerous as filler, I would join in the outrage, as they would be harming the beef industry. The fact of the matter is, no one is doing that. What they are adding to the ground beef is an all natural, made from beef filler. Yes, it might not look real appetizing, but, have you ever seen a meat packing plant, or a butcher shop back room, or how about the meat cooler of the swankiest steak house in Chicago? None of those places look real appetizing. In fact, the most expensive steaks on the menu are often “aged” 45 to 60 days. Do you want to see what that “aging” looks like? No, you just want to eat it, medium rare, with a cold beer.

People are spouting the horrors of eating a by-product. This doesn’t make my skin crawl, it makes me laugh, out loud. For those of who think eating a byproduct is akin to eating what should be make dog food, I ask…Have you ever chewed a piece of gum or eaten a cup of Jell-O? Sure, you say? Terrific, those are beef by-products, but then Jamie Oliver never told you that, did he?

One other thing to note, I wonder how many of the “outraged” have no qualms eating or feeding their children hot dogs or “chicken nuggets”. I use the term chicken nuggets loosely, because I’m quite certain there’s more than just chicken in those bad boys. And you know what? I don’t care. They still taste pretty good and there are farm families whose lives depend on raising the chickens that are used in those nuggets, and I will support them, no matter what the Food Network might tell me.

Til next time

JC

Oh and P.S. Suck it Trebek....