1. I did not breast feed either of my children. They are perfectly healthy, happy, well adjusted, intelligent individuals. My boobs, my kids, my choice. See how that works?
2. I use aluminum foil, and cling wrap, and Ziploc baggies and plastic garbage bags and Ziploc containers that, on occasion get thrown away. I don't give a rats ass what goes into the creation of aluminum foil...I do like my lasagna to get properly cooked and not dried out on the top.
3. I don't think that music has to be cerebral, or make a political statement. I think music should make you happy. It should have a good beat. It should be easy to sing along to and dammit, it should be appropriate for signing at the top of your lungs at last call when you've had too many Fireball shots. Which means, I should not feel ashamed to admit I like Nickleback.
4. I used disposable diapers..I had no desire to get elbow deep in the yellow poo my two spawn would expel on occasion. My dogs really enjoyed the chew treats that, half burnt dirty diapers pulled from the burn barrel, would make, too. (And yes, I called my children spawn.)
5. On that note, I have a burn barrel. I burn garbage.
6. I only half ass recycle. Some of it goes in the recycling bin. See #5 as to what happens to the rest of it. I do cash in my aluminum cans. Most of the time they are cashed in when my month is longer than my paycheck.
7. I don't eat enough fruits and vegetables and the ones that I do eat are, most of the time, not organic and they are not watered by the tears of a unicorn or picked lovingly from their vines by unionized farm workers.
8. I couldn't care less if the food I eat has GMO's in it or not. Monsanto helps to keep shoes on my children and a roof over my head.
9. I eat red meat. Rare.
10. I eat raw cookie dough. Yes, it was in the news today that a woman died from POSSIBLY eating raw cookie dough, three years ago. She was already immunosuppressed...the source of the E coli poisoning she contracted was never determined. Fuck it, I will continue to eat it.
11. I do not read books that are meant to make me look smarter. I have tried to read The Fountainhead, Anna Karenina, etc. and they just don't entertain me. I read to be entertained. Give me a James Patterson or Patricia Cornwell novel anytime.
12. I drink cheap wine.
13. I feed my children fast food and processed lunch meat. Sometimes they eat cheddar puff corn and drink Pepsi for supper. Sometimes its Kraft mac and cheese with hot dogs.
14. I buy and enjoy Velveeta cheese.
15. I drink water from a plastic bottle. That plastic bottle has sometimes spent a few days in my car.
16. I have re-gifted.
17. I buy generic.
18. I don't give a shit what my carbon foot print looks like. I can only hope for the best for my great-grandchildren, because I guarantee the shitshow we live in today, is not what my great grandmother hoped and dreamt for me.
19. I hate the Kardashians with a burning passion that runs deep.
20. I own a deep-fryer and am not afraid to use it.
21. I have lard in my cupboard and I know how to use it.
22. I have no clue what my shampoo is made of. If it smells good, fits the budget and makes me look less greasy, less brittle, or less frizzy, I buy it.
23. I go to bed with make up on.
24. I can't remember the last time I gave my windows a good washing.
25. I do not investigate what the funky smell in the porch is...thats why God made Scentsy.
I could probably come up with 100 more, but I shouldn't have to. This is my life, its how I choose to live it and I'm happy to be who I am. If you do or don't do any of these things, guess what? I don't give a shit. As long are you're not a dick, I'm confident we can be friends. Unless you like your red meat well done...then we may have to have a serious discussion.
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