Last night, I had to take Miss Jace to dance and instead of the dingy Memorial Building basement, we were at the studio, surrounded by mirrors. I was trying to focus on watching my darling daughter, but all I could see was mirrors everywhere I turned and me sitting there all Fatty Fatterton. (Yes, I am fully aware that I control what I do and don't put in my pie hole, that's not my point, and we will address that later.)
I went home depressed and feeling down thinking its no wonder young girls have eating disorders and self esteem issues when we put them in an extra curricular activity in which they are constantly looking in a mirror...I was in a pissy mood the rest of the night.
I woke up this morning in a "fuck it" mood thinking life sucked because my jeans were a little tight, my chin was a little more doubled and my hair wouldn't do a fucking thing. (I took a small bit of pride in the fact that I did pack a salad, had an egg while and spinach omelette on toast for breakfast and grabbed a greek yogurt on my way out the door...but that again, will be addressed later.) Still pissy, I stopped for coffee and proceeded to work. I fired up my Mac, checked my e-mails and hopped on FB for a minute to find out an acquaintance of mine, who happens to be just a few years older than I am, had died. Life is too goddamned short.
Suddenly, my ass size, my lack of a perfect hairdo, my self esteem issues and everything I think I lack is insignificant. This beautiful, vibrant, YOUNG, healthy woman is gone. Poof, in an instant. From what I understand, she suffered an aneurysm, while driving her daughter to or from dance class.
I did that last night, too. ...We have sons the same age, both gingers, no less, and have many other things in common. While we weren't considered close friends, she was one of those people with whom you could always stop and talk to for 10-15 minutes when you saw her at the grocery store. We would see each other often in the summer, at the race track, and she was always a good person to stop and have a cold one with. And now, she's gone. Her family is trying to get through the first of countless days without her and here I sit beating myself up over succumbing to potato chips and baked beans last night....I think my priorities are fucked up. Life is too goddamned short.
It seems as though I get this "wake-up call" more and more often, yet I never really do anything about it. I have started to lose count of the number of "Oh My God, Did you hear" moments regarding the loss of someone taken too soon.
It reminds me that my daily struggles truly are insignificant in the grand scheme of things. But, at the same time it kicks my ass into realizing that I need to live each day to the fullest and if I am sitting on the couch with a vat of cold baked beans in my lap and a bag of potato chips in my hand, I am not living life to the fullest.
While I will never be the borderline vegan, eating like a rabbit and exercising every spare minute, nor will I ever be the size two model of perfection, running marathons each weekend, I will do the best I can to be a better me. A better me who lives life without sweating the small things. A better me who stops taking things and people for granted. A better me who will always remember that life is too goddamned short to worry about baked beans and mirrors and tight jeans.
RIP Lisa
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