I mean, how did I not contract some sort of life threatening disease or defect without bottled water, a little bottle of hand sanitizer and organic strawberries? By all rights I should have had DHS called on my Grandmother when she and I went to the strawberry patch and I ate the strawberries fresh from the garden without dousing myself in hand sanitizer or asking whether or not a pesticide was used on the berry. She certainly should have been hauled in when I asked for a drink of water and she directed me to the hydrant instead of handing me a bottle of water chilled to 34 degrees and sealed with plastic.
How any of us managed to make it through Red Cross swimming lessons without nose plugs, goggles, ear plugs and sunscreen is truly an act of God....it didn't matter that we were tossed into the pool at 9 a.m. even when it was cloudy and 64 degrees out, we should have sued for emancipation from our parents because we didn't have nose plugs and water got up our noses.
I was not breast fed, my mother did not make her own baby food for me and I'm quite certain, cereal was put in my bottle and whole milk and solids were introduced before the "expert recommendation." How did I not die in infancy and why do I have brain cells that function?
It's really laughable that any of us old Exira Flying Hooves or Bunkhouse Gang members still exist today because the only thing you wore on your head when you were on the back of a horse was a Cowboy hat, the way God and John Wayne intended...A helmet? Are you fucking kidding me?
Its' truly marvelous that we managed to get high school diplomas, were able to decipher our ACT tests and were admitted to colleges when we were forced to take out semester tests AFTER Christmas break. OH THE HORROR of it all! That was also the time when each class and each teacher designed a semester exam. It was no 30 question open book test. It was a 10-12 page long exam that took the entire 90-120 minutes that it was scheduled to take.
My generation swam in lakes and ponds without thinking twice about what might or might not be in the water. We ate hot dogs cold and drank milk warm. We shared one bottle of pop without thinking of what germs someone else may have.
Picking mulberries straight off the tree and seeing how many you could eat before mom caught you, guilty and purple fingered, was a rite of passage.
Our school lunch ladies prided themselves on their baking skills and there was nothing better than cinnamon roll day at lunch. We didn't have to have an equal amount of orange and green vegetables on our trays and whole grains were unheard of...how did we not die of malnutrition?
We were immunized without question.
We had try outs and some times your role on the team was bench warmer. We didn't all get trophies, or blue ribbons or passing grades. If the effort was not put in, you were not rewarded for "just trying."
The more I think back on it, the more flabbergasted I become...I should start looking for Jesus in asshairs more often...finding that may be simpler than finding the answers to these questions....
How, pray tell, did we make it through the unfairness of it all?
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