Randomness

Many random thoughts in my head today...they need out! Bear with me!

For nine years I was paid to use my loud, clear, easy to understand voice. I can enunciate like a son of a bitch, but evidently Ms. Galaxy (the voice mechanism on my cell phone) thinks I speak Swahili...she doesn't understand a damned word I say.

If you are over the age of 16 and feel the need to sit as close as possible to the driver of the pickup truck you are riding in I will think one of three things: Your main squeeze also has a set of swinging truck nuts, Your honey is a possessive doucherocket or You have daddy issues. (Gee, maybe the passenger seat is broken...but I highly doubt it.)

Doucherocket is a term for giant douchecanoe... if you are unsure of what a douchecanoe is, read my dictionary and try to keep up.

4-1 is 80%. Simple majority is 50%. Super majority is 2/3 or 60%. When 80% of the people vote for something, it is not just one or two people who made the decision..blame or likewise, praise, should be assigned equally. (And in the words of Forrest Gump...That's all I got to say about that.)

Arrests have been made in connection to the death of actor Phillip Seymour Hoffmann. Fine, great, arrest the drug dealers...however, did those dealers force him to buy SIXTY bags of heroin and then insert the needle? I realize addiction is a terrible disease, but it was still a cognitive choice made by Mr. Hoffmann.

A teenager in Texas got shitfaced, got in a car, got in a wreck and killed four people, two more were injured, one of whom is paralyzed and can only communicate through blinking. This little fucktard will serve ZERO jail time because a judge ruled that he suffers from "affluenza" meaning his spoiled ass- rich bitch upbringing left him unprepared to deal with the consequences of dick behavior...our justice system is just as broken as our healthcare system...probably more so.

I just sent my sis in law a text, in which, I called her nippledick...it was not meant for her...my bad..can I blame it on Ms. Galaxy and her lack of understanding me?

Goatpocalypse happened one year ago this weekend...who is the asshat who said 'Sure! I can chore again this year.?!?' Yep, you're looking at her. There are a few positive changes to this year's routine..the biggest being there will be no goats suffering from diarrhea on my porch in a playpen and the mama goats are done kidding until April. Nanny goats were also added to the farm to alleviate the need to bottle feed mass amounts. I only need to bottle feed one little baby who's mama is evidently a head case...she likes to know where the baby is but has no real interest in taking care of it...it has, however learned to ninja feed off of any mama who happens to stand still for a few minutes, so I just need to give it supplemental nutrition. (We had a baby calf like that last year...his name was Steve...he liked titties...we called him a Tittie Thief.)

Spell check wanted to change tittie to tithe...HUGE difference in the meanings of those two words.

If you are standing behind me at a general admission event, please keep in mind I was a guard on the basketball team when we still played six on six. I know how to block out and throw an elbow, repeatedly. Push into me more than once and you can bet I will back dat ass up...

My new water bottle that says "There's a Chance This Might be Vodka" (C) Hot Mess Mama..has shipped...this hot mess of a mama is more excited than a five year old waiting on Santa...BTW..there will be no chances...it will be Absolut (and yes that pun was intentional.)