Seriously What the Hell?

This has been my week....
It's one of those, "If I could live in my sweat pants/yoga pants this week and get away with it-I would" type of weeks, so I decided to improve my eating habits, routine, etc.
I planned ahead because, as the healthy/annoying people will say, "If you fail to plan, you plan to fail" or some shit like that. I had my fruits, my vegetables, my lean proteins..I had my pre-packaged small servings and my designated four small meals (to bring with me to work). I had my two gallon jug of water, I was prepared. I had planned.
I did not, however, plan on it being "Free Food For Friends" week at the office. It started Tuesday and culminated yesterday...Tuesday, the landlady brings homemade Danish puff...it is one of those rare baked goodies that is undeniable (meaning you cannot deny the puff--you must eat it).
Okay, one slice of Danish puff is not going to kill me, it will not tear me down, I will persevere. And I did...Wednesday went well and I knew I was getting back to a semi-healthy routine when the extra fiber began kicking in and I started to feel like that little old lady in church who farts each time she stands up or moves.
Thursday morning, protein shake in hand, I headed for the office. Got there, filled my water jug, opened the shake, it smelled like the previously mentioned little old lady, but I am not a food snob, so I enforced my life's philosophy (oh well, fuck it) and chugged it down. (Seriously, it smelled like poo, but considering there are times I would probably eat the ass end of a skunk if you put melted cheese and those crunchy onions on it, I digested it.)
Protein shake gone, feeling pretty good about myself when a client walks in with a half dozen fresh baked cinnamon rolls with cream cheese icing....seriously bitch? Can you not see the poo shake I just drank? I am trying to be good...I lasted all of 20 minutes, because willpower is a foreign word that I do not understand...It was worth it...It was fucking fabulous.
Thinking that, like the Danish puff, one cinnamon roll would not kill me, I went about my day. About 3:30 p.m. another customer walks in bearing an entire dinner for each of us...yes, dinner. An entire box of food...potato salad, coleslaw, prime rib...Seriously, WHAT THE SHIT IS THIS? It's delicious that's what it is...It's goddamned delicious...
But I was not deterred...I got out the stretchiest pants I own, that are not in the sweat or yoga pant family, mixed up yet another poo shake and have thus far managed to avoid friends with food...but it's only 2 p.m....and its a weekend and I have a bottle/gallon of open wine in my refrigerator that has been singing to me all week...one way or another, I will shut that winey bitch up.