Feeling like Fallon

I feel like Jimmy Fallon when he writes his "Thank You Notes" segment each time I have one of my "Dear" postings...it's worked for Jimmy, so far, I think, it works for me too.

Dear Swap Site People, When posting that you are "ISO River Ruckus tickets"how many times does one need to reply "tickets are still available at midwest.com or at the grocery store in Guthrie" before you fucking pay attention? P.S. Why is it that we who do not live in Carroll or Atlantic are expected to drive to you, but you never make an effort to leave your zip code?

Dear Des Moines Register/WHO/KCCI, can we go one day without posting something that gets people all riled up about either the President or the Governor? Just one day. Let's get riled up about something better, or more original like Jennifer Aniston's latest hairstyle, or the fact that Breaking Bad is in it's final season. I am really tired of the same old arguments from both sides praising or lambasting and calling those who have different opinions brainless.

Dear swimsuit bottoms, next time you decide to hide from me, take the pair of black SPANX with you so I don't get confused....I mean I knew I wasn't swimsuit model material, but no fucking wonder I looked so weird yesterday when I put you on....

Dear national media, Here are the list of things I do not want to hear another word about: Trayvon Martin and George Zimmerman, gay marriage or lack thereof, breastfeeding in public, Justin Beiber, and Kate Middleton's pregnancy (that now will take care of itself shortly, I think the media hit rock bottom when the term "royal loins" were used to describe where the baby would come from.) These topics are becoming nauseating in the different spins each media outlet tries to put on them. I don't mean to say that some of these things are not important issues, its just getting to be a bit much....if there is a NEW development or NEW subject that pertains to marriage rights (I use this term rather than gay marriage or straight marriage) then please share it with us, regurgitating the same stories is getting annoying. And I'm sorry, but President Obama, will be be commenting on EVERY tragic death of a teenager, or just this one in particular?

Dear "STUDIES" and "Polls" until you include me or, anyone I know for that matter, in one of your studies or polls, I call bullshit on whatever you find...

I'm just gonna lay it out there....

Don't you dare bitch about the fact that your "insert club name/community organization" doesn't get any news in the paper when I try to REPEATEDLY call you and you don't answer or return my phone call. ESPECIALLY, when I leave you my cell number....bitch please, I have called your cell phone six times, leaving messages each time WITH my office and cell phone number...return the call or STFU when your info is left out of the paper.
I'm sorry, but I am not Trayvon Martin...is it sad that a child is dead...yes it is. But protesting and looting in Oakland, CA is proving nothing. The slogan "I am Trayvon Martin", proves nothing. While it's completely plausible that he did nothing wrong, a lot of teenagers now a day are, shall we say, less than respectful. I could see where TM puffed up his chest, mouthed off a little and tried to be a "big man" when approached. Does that give George Zimmerman the right to do what he did? Bitch please, no it did not..but the fact of the matter is the case was muddied water from the get go and unfortunately, the prosecution did not clean up the muddy water. We can all assume what happened, based on what we've seen in the media, but none of us know and none of us served on the jury...PLEASE move on to the next story. The biggest question I have is why the state of Florida only has six jurors on its jury and not 12....?
Can you imagine what things would have been like if social media would have been around when the OJ trial occurred? Bitch please, ain't nobody got time for that shit.....
Okay, so the Iowa Supreme Court, for a second time, looked at the case of Melissa Nelson was was fired, basically because bossman's wifey was jealous. She sued because she thought that it was discrimination. Okay, first things first, Iowa is a right to work state, meaning, you can be fired for any reason at anytime. Yes, I understand that you still cannot be discriminated against, as in, she could not be fired for being female, Asain, disabled, etc., any PROTECTED classification. I'm sorry, last I checked, "irresistible" was not a protected classification, neither is fugly. Had she been fired just for having a vagina, that would be one thing, however, bossman hired a "less irresistible vagina" to replace Ms.Nelson, so it's not that the Dr. had a thing against hiring ladies, just this particular one. The fact that Ms. Nelson went on Tosh.0 to poke fun at her self and the situation, gives her less ammo in my opinion....you can't have  your cake and eat it too Melissa, either your serious about your lawsuit, or you want your 15 minutes of fame and your time with Tosh....bitch please, you aren't even irresistible.
Yes, I did just purchase a half gallon of ice cream, a package of toilet paper and some KY....bitch please, don't judge, perhaps Sunday nights at your house are more interesting than mine....

Feeling lost

I've not blogged in nearly a month...I would bet you're feeling lost without me, aren't you? So, let's get right down to it...
The George Zimmerman/Trayvon Martin case...I DON'T CARE!!! PLEASE MSN, stop asking me if I want to watch the trial live...
There is a parasite found on fresh vegetables that is causing diarrhea that lasts 57 days...Dear Sweet Baby Jesus, those poor people. If I have diarrhea for 15 minutes I am unbearable to be around and am trying to find Jack Kevorkian's cell number, I could not imagine 57 days..that would be the shits...(pun intended).
Congress continues to get more and more worthless, (if that is even possible). A split farm bill is passed, by the house, without food stamps. It must be "meshed" with the Senate version and the President has already said he will veto it...SO, WHY ARE WE WASTING OUR TIME WITH THIS? I understand years ago, there was a valid reason for including food stamps in the farm bill, I think those reasons are moot now. (Other than city dwellers are idiots and in order for them to say yes to anything that may help rural america, we have to spoon feed them things like, food stamps.) Food stamps or SNAP, as the program is officially called, accounts for 80% of the money in the farm bill, actual farm and agriculture related matters only account for 20% so, in theory, splitting it was not a bad idea, as the food stamp issue is what is holding up the passage of the bill. As I've stated before, SNAP needs major reform and instead of just continuing to hand out more and more and more, we need to get to the core of why these people are in the position they are in. If you are elderly or disabled, by all means, you should get assistance. If you decided to have a baby or join a gang at age 16 and drop out of high school, why should I have to pay for your bad decision?
The Des Moines Register profiled Iowans on SNAP and one of those featured was a mother of five who worked 32 hours a week at Wal-Mart and was a full time student at DMACC. I commend her for working, going to school and raising her kids, that shit is hard, HOWEVER, no mention of any of the kids' father(s) was ever made, and it was noted that at age 17 she moved out of her mother's home with her two children, to start her own life....I'm sorry, but, again, piss poor decision making led her to where   she is today. Kudos for trying to further yourself with an education, but, your five children are not MY responsibility. If that makes me heartless and lacking in compassion, so be it.
I am completely and utterly obsessed with Robin Thicke's "Blurred Lines"...it's my "lady jam."  And, if my horribly lame reference to the movie "Pitch Perfect" makes me horribly lame, so be it.

Speaking of music...why is it if more than one solo artist teams up in the country music genre it is considered a duet? For example, Jason Aldean and Kelly Clarkson "Don't you Want to Stay?", Johnny Cash and June Carter Cash, "Jackson."Duets, both names listed with equal billing. With R&B, Hip Hop, etc. it is always one artist FEATURING, so and so...and you will notice very few r&B hip hop/etc artists can manage to record a song on their own these days. If you look at Bilboard's Top 100, I would bet 10 of the top 15 have someone "featured."

Oh and on the topic of obsessions, I am horrifically obsessed with the show Breaking Bad....I just discovered it this year and am seriously going to go into a deep depression when it ends this fall....love me some Heisenberg...