Call me, maybe?

A heartless bitch that is...and I may be, but sometimes, sympathy is just a word that comes between shit and syphilis in the dictionary.
This past week we have seen prime examples as to why our country is screwed. We started with teenagers shooting a stranger because "they were bored." We followed that up by more teenagers beating a WWII veteran to death and then saying it was a "crack deal gone bad." I have found two more examples, albeit, less horrific, perfect reasons why the world is filling with fucktards and the ship is sinking fast.
Exhibit A: A gentleman in Nebraska is suing Wal Mart because their weak plastic sacks caused the death of his wife....I'll explain. Wife went to the store and purchased two 14 ounce cans of La Choy and a 2 pound bag of rice. Unlike any Wal-Mart I've ever been to, the cashier put all three items in one sack. (I mean honestly, I've had 20 items in my cart and have gotten home with 22 sacks.) As the Mrs. was walking to her car, the bag broke and one of her chop suey cans landed on her foot, breaking a toe and busting it open. (The official suit says it "cut" her foot, but I am assuming it "busted it open" you know, like when you smash your finger, it doesn't' necessarily get cut, but it bleeds because the pressure has broke the skin.) The wound never healed, she had several surgeries and ends up dying. Husband blamed the broken sack which set the events in motion. Here is where my sympathy disappears. While I do feel for the man, I'm sure he is grieving, is there no such thing as an accident anymore? Why must SOMEONE or SOMETHING be to blame for everything that happens? Sure, like we've all been told by a well intentioned relative or friend, "Everything happens for a reason," BUT sometimes that reason is "Shit happens." This is where the heartless bitch title could come in...I would hazard a guess that a foot injury that doesn't heal for an extended period of time, combined with a can (or two) of high sodium, processed Chinese food and a bag of high starch, white rice, might mean this gal had diabetes, and THAT my friend, was the cause of her death? But in today's society, instead of just accepting that accidents happen, we search for the first lawyer who will take the case and the deepest pockets we can find to pick.
Exhibit B: An 18 year old woman (I use that term loosely) went under the knife to have a boob job. Something went wrong and now, she is pretty much a vegetable, leaving her THREE YEAR OLD CHILD, who doesn't even know mommy went to the doctor, possibly without a mother. Let me stop and think for a minute....first off....had a child at 15...I'm not an idiot, I know this happens, but...let me say this again...had a child at 15, at age 18, you think you need bigger boobs, an ELECTIVE surgery. People, people, people, in ANY surgical procedure, something can happen. Going under anesthesia and under the knife can be dangerous. Lady, I'm sure your three year old, now motherless child (for the time being at the very least) really could give two shits how big your tits are.
On a completely unrelated note, Grant Sheeder--class act. He's respectful, professional and the farthest thing from cocky you will experience and he's doing great things for Guthrie County and in turn, southwest Iowa. The guy running a certain music show coming up in two weeks. Not so much. They way you treat people will spread like wildfire. Good luck ever reaching the levels Grant has reached.
Oh and one more thing....if you want people to shop local and to keep their business in town. Be as competitive as you can be, but above all else...be honest, don't be surprised when customers shop out of town when you bald face lie to them. That is all...as you were...

I really don't like

living in this world anymore. I know I should have learned a thousand times over to stop reading the "comments" section on news stories or Facebook pages, but alas, I have not.
A mountain lion has been spotted in Altoona, twice now in three days, recess was cancelled. A local television station asked the question, "What should be done?" The hilarity ensued in the comments section. Here were some of the nuggets of wisdom that spewed forth:
"People have been taking over the Mountain lions habitat for 200 years."
"Relocate it, its not the poor animals fault that we've encroached on its territory" (Seriously impressed that the moron could spell encroached, BTW.)
"Release it in a rural area."
Then it got really funny because someone with common sense said, "Sure, release it into the rural area where WE have to deal with it." Which was followed by, "If you don't want nature at your back door, don't live in rural Iowa. There are possums and raccoons that get near a playground, and they bite too, but we don't cancel recess if we spot one of them."
At this point it was palm to the forehead.....listen douchebag...I don't mind nature at my back door if its a possum or a raccoon, as those animals are omnivores, meaning, they will snoop through my garbage looking for tasty morsels and leftovers, as long as its edible, they will eat it. That also means, more often than not, they are not HUNTING. If they are hunting, they certainly aren't hunting a dog, or a calf or a horse. A raccoon won't pounce on Fred, our bottle calf, and then use our corgi, Miley, as a toothpick, like an "innocent, defenseless" mountain lion would. When a mountain lion is spotted in the same area repeatedly, more often than not, it means it has "stalked its prey" (i.e. it has seen you let little Fluffy out to take a piss at the same time everyday and if his timing is right, little Fluffy will be Mr. Mountain Lion's afternoon snack.)
 FURTHER MORE..mountain lions are not native to Iowa...hence the name MOUNTAIN LION...sure as fuck aren't many mountains in Iowa are there?  And for those preaching that humans have been encroaching on the native habitat for hundreds of years, go ahead and walk into rush hour traffic on 235, would ya? As YOU are human...YOU have a hand in the encroachment, just like the rest of us do, so the ridiculousness of your statement just increased tenfold.
The idiocy and complete stupidity of these people makes me scared of the world I live in. This person however, should get a medal for their tongue in cheek interpretation of what should be done....
"Wait. After reading all the comments, I think the only way to make everyone happy is to home school it, allow it to marry the same sex animal, arm it with a shotgun, pay for it and it's families Obama care and free cell phones, give it a lil boost without a drug test and allow it some food stamps and call er a day. Now that's the American way." 

On a totally different note: Is this heat wave about over? I am sick to death of swamp ass and boob sweat....When I was a young girl, I was mortified when I saw my great aunt, literally throw one of her ta-tas over her shoulder and run her Arid X-Tra dry underneath. I mean it scarred me for life...that is until this heat wave started and I began to realize her true genius. How to deal with boob sweat is one of those topics that is never shared as you age...kind of like the magic of tucks medicated pads after child birth....I guess if we told our younger selves that boob sweat was something you would have to deal with as you aged, we would all be scarred for life.

Yeah, I'm still scratchy

more and more things are irritating me this week and again making it look like I have a raging case of fleas.
Now, honestly, I don't want to look like a backwoods racist hillbilly here, but riddle me this Batman....
A latino/caucasian man kills an unarmed black youth and its instantly labeled a matter of race and protests breakout across the country. The President even makes ridiculous race based comments on the case.
Two black teenagers and one white teenager shoot an unarmed white man because they were bored. Not a racial issue.
Two black teenagers beat to death an unarmed World War II veteran. Not a race issue and YOU are the racist one if you say otherwise....
I'm sorry...but WTF? While it's true that it doesn't matter if the teenagers committing these crimes were black, white, orange, or purple, their crimes were horrendous, what matters is the Martin/Zimmerman case received world wide attention, with the race card being thrown left and right...Not once has the race card been thrown in these cases. Tell me President Obama, would your son have looked like Chancy Allen Luna? (To me, the President making that type of a statement regarding Trayvon Martin ranks right up there next to dairy cow rape on the ridiculous statement meter.)
The lawyer for Bradley/Chelsea Manning thinks that the government (i.e. read tax payers) should pay for his/her hormone therapy and sex "reassignment surgery" while he serves a 35 year prison sentence at Ft. Knox.....(excuse me while I scratch feverishly) Ok, Mr./Ms. Manning, you feel as though you are a woman trapped in a man's body...ok, can't be a fun feeling, I understand that. There is treatment and surgery to fix that feeling. OK, get that too. During your trial it was stated that your gender confusion/stress led to you committing your crimes....mmmm...ok, I maybe see that, but you're reaching here. Throughout your entire trial, you were Bradley. Came to Court dressed as Bradley, answered to Bradley. Now all of the sudden you demand to be Chelsea. Here's where I am perplexed. Why didn't you come to court, even once, dressed as Chelsea, if that's who you really are? Further more, why should I, as a taxpayer, have to pay for your surgery while you ARE IN PRISON? I mean, if I committed a crime and had to be imprisoned could I get tax payer paid lipo or have my stomach stapled because I identify myself as a 110 pound woman? (Yes, I know that Ft. Knox has said they will not give the therapy or the surgery, but for the lawyer to fight this, to me, is...you guessed it.) If he were ALREADY undergoing the therapy and treatments and needed to continue those treatments, then perhaps, I could see continuing the therapy, at his OWN expense, but seeing as how he's not been on this therapy and wants to start it, now that he's been convicted, yeah...no.
Can't get this one....Spend 75% of your free time with your friends and can't figure out why your other half is pissy and not "feeling the love?" Yeah, that one has me scratched bald in some places....
Explain to me the sudden influx of people using the word vintage? Do you really think that placing the label "vintage" on your slightly  older, slightly used pile of crap will magically make it worth five times the money?
I think I've complained about this one before, but seriously, men's jeans companies, WHEN, pray tell, will you learn that waist sizes below 32 or above 48, need to have inseams greater than 30 or 32? It's a real bitch shopping for the tall and skinny and the tall and not so skinny....Really, you think a 6'4" 350 guy needs a 30 inch inseam? Bitch, please....

If you see me scratching

my head, don't worry, I don't have cooties or anything, it's just that I am frequently perplexed and scratch my head at issues, statements, policies, people, etc. on a frequent basis.
Here's what has me itching today....
Football players cannot have two a day football practices, because of health reasons, so says the Iowa High School Athletic Association (or union, whatever the hell you idiots call yourself). BUT there is no problem with the volleyball team practicing twice a day...hmmm....girls tougher than the boys? The furthered pussification of today's youth? Couldn't someone call this discrimination or something? Girls can run/lift/condition in the morning and then practice later in the day, but boys cannot? Something is fishy in Denmark with this one.
Studies have shown that underage/binge drinking in Audubon County is at an all time high and grant money has been given to aid with the prevention of it. Could it be perhaps that it's due to the fact that there is relatively no punishment given when handed an MIP, beyond a ticket with a fine? (Now, disclaimer, I myself got an MIP once upon a time. It was called possession by an 18, 19, or 20 year old. I was fined, heavily, and had to drive to Sac City to appear in court.) I remember back in the day when my older brother got a MIP. He had to drive to Atlantic for classes, perform community service (cleaning school buses, if I remember correctly) AND he had to sit out an ENTIRE athletic season. He took out for baseball that summer; went to all practices and sat on the bench the entire time, to avoid missing football. The point is, he thought twice about it next time and learned to dislike baseball immensely. I've read the conduct policies from both area schools. I wonder how often a child gets caught violating the code of conduct, but is not punished because it's never brought to attention, or its swept under the rug? If we want to really try to curb underage drinking, you sometimes have to hit kids where it hurts. Now, again, I'm not saying I never drank in High School, but I am saying that if I had to sit out an entire season of whatever I was involved in, or if I  knew I was going to be punished severly, I and my peers, probably would have thought twice before cracking open that can. If we are going to try to make the effort to curb this problem, then lets make the effort, lets not just talk about it.
If you take your child through a cattle barn at the state fair, be prepared for your child to step in shit. (Here's some back story...) There is a page on Facebook called "The People of the State Fair" or something like that. There was a picture of a kid stepping in fresh pile of shit..the kid was crying, the mom was flipping the fuck out and someone form the cattle barn was coming to the rescue with a bucket of water. Here's the scratchy part of the situation, again, the great fucktards of society were out in full force in the comments section...the boyfriend of the gal freaking out was calling everyone who said, "shit happens," or "get over it," a bunch of redneck hillbillies, yet he goes on to state that he challenges anyone out there to go one on one with the girlfriend because she "kicked ass at coleslaw wrestling during bike week." Thinks that one who steps in cowshit in a cattle barn and goes about their merry way is a hillbilly, thinks that coleslaw wrestling is not....hmmm that one really has me itchy.

Someone get a pitchfork

the shit is getting deep here in the barnyard. I realize it's been nearly a month since I've blogged, so let me try to fill in the blanks on what I've been doing before we get down to business. I'll try to keep it short and sweet.
County Fair, friends, fun, debauchery, goat herding and steer jocking,  LLC's, resignations, golf, Heidi braids, anticipation, State Fair, Bud tent, trophies, ribbons, more debauchery and blisters. You see why shit has been backing up?
OK, so how now Butter Cow?  How about a giant F-U Animal Liberation Organization or whoever the hell you are...talk about the back firing of a stunt. You vandalize a piece of art work that has been the symbol of the state fair since 1911 and hope to make a point. Well, point made...your point is you're a bunch of junior high fucktards. The fair had the mess cleaned up and re-opened before your e-mail and photo even reached the DM Register. The lines to see the cow are longer than ever before, the Blue Ribbon Foundation is selling "Butter Cow Security" t-shirts by the assload and your little group and its anti-meat agenda is losing credibility faster than Paula Deen lost endorsement deals.
Now, I know I've said this before but the true fucktards (sorry, its one of my favorite words) of society live on Facebook comment pages. Search WHO-TV, KCCI, or the Register's Facebook pages for their coverage of the Butter Cow and read some of the comments coming from the anti-ag establishment. They are so misinformed and uneducated its laughable. Animal abuse or cruelty is not a good thing. It's something I and 99.9% of the agriculture community abhor and fight against. Stupidity is not a good thing either and for someone to say that, and I quote, "Dairy cows are repeatedly raped before their babies are stolen from their chest and their breast milk is stolen for selfish human consumption," is the epitome of stupid.
 There are so many errors in this statement that I shall start with the obvious ones. First off, the chest of a cow is between her front legs, an area that calves seldom hang out in. Second, Cows don't have breasts, they have udders, which are found between their back legs. Next issue, repeatedly raped....how do you even approach this one...Yes, gangs of Holstein bulls run rampant gang raping the cows in their herds. Cows come into heat or ovulate just like other mammals, the bulls know this and do their business. (Here's a shocker...the cows even 'stand' and take it, because its nature people.) The cow then gestates, has her baby roughly nine months later. Lather, rinse, repeat. Its what ALL animals do...even the ones we don't eat. In fact, I used to have a mama cat who would eat her own babies after having them because she wanted to come back into heat sooner....(hence we called her a whore cat, but that's another story for another day.) Now for my last point of contention..breast milk is stolen, I already covered the breast part, but for the stealing of the milk issue...how many nursing mothers have ever gone too long without nursing or pumping? How many of you have had mastitis? Milk cows produce FAR more milk than a calf could ever drink and if they are not milked it can be excruciatingly painful for them. But then you anti-meat people like that don't you? You are the same ones that think its bad to give animals medicine and antibiotics when they are sick or hurting. (Another topic for another day.)
If you don't want to eat meat, or meat by-products, for whatever reason, that is your business. It's something I don't understand and don't agree with, but we can agree to disagree, if you respect my views and my livelihood, I can respect yours. HOWEVER, I would encourage you, before spouting off nonsense like I quoted above, you actually spend time with a livestock producer. Go visit a cattle farm, or a hog operation, or a dairy farm, and see what actually happens there, instead of just reading something on the internet....pulling a prank at the great state fair to get attention will never garner respect. It only reiterates what fools you truly are.