Hola Bitchachos...its been a while, I know...I've been just a smidge busy with No. 1 flying the coop to college and No. 2 "graduating" to two nights of dance, 20 miles away and confirmation classes, but alas, I am here today full of bitchiness about whats going on in the world and on the interwebs. I bring you another round of my "Dear" letters...
Dear parents of dress code violators, GTFO. Seriously. I am more over you than Miley is over Hannah Montana. I do sympathize when it comes to the vague rules regarding leggings, collar bones cleavage, et al however, when you go to a private school that requires uniforms (complete with neckties ala Harry Potter) and rules about wild and inappropriate hair dos and you decide to shave half of your head and dye it a "cheetah" (or is it leopard) pattern..don't come crying to me when your ass gets suspended. ESPECIALLY when you and Mum were well aware of the rule. And for FUCK SAKE, do not call your suspension a "human rights violation." I'm sure the Syrian refugees would love to tell you what true human rights violations are, bitch.
Dear Today Show, Stop...seriously, STOP with the Caitlyn Jenner "exclusives." When she has her own show and is tabloid fodder daily, there is nothing EXCLUSIVE about her. Yes, she has quite the story, but do we need to regurgitate it every single minute of every single day? P.S. Cait, please get a bra that fits...the one you're wearing on the golf course shows your nipples and makes your tits look lopsided. P.P.S. Maybe your new tits just ARE lopsided...if that's the case, I'd go back to your surgeon. P.P.P.S. Shouldn't you be driving from the women's tee?
Dear Food Babe, Thanks a fucking lot for your interference with the pumpkin spice latte. Key word here is SPICE. No one in the history of ANYONE actually wants pureed pumpkin in their coffee. They want the spices that are associated with pumpkin in their coffee. Thanks to your fucktarded misguided attempts at making the world a healthier place one dipshitted movement at a time we now have sad, squash flavored coffee drinks.
Dear No. 1, this is why I love you...
No. 1: "Mom what does 392 and counting on your FB page mean?"
Me: I commented on a post and it has 392 likes and counting.
No. 1: "Cool, you're finally getting recognized for being a bitch on Facebook."
Damn Skippy...
