Fleas...

I'm afraid I have them again, because I am a scratching away at this ol head of mine....here are a few reasons I've "got my itch on" again...
A TA at the University of Iowa is in hot water for "accidentally" sending nude pictures of herself to her students when she was supposed to be e-mailing them homework...I'm sorry, what? How in the fuck do you mistake today's assignment for a shot of your pooty-poo? "Oops, sorry guys...I was supposed to send you the file called Great TITLES, not Great TITTIES...my bad."
Here's another...dateline Bumfuck Connecticut, Mom and Dad go out of town for Columbus Day weekend leaving 15 and 16 year old daughters home alone...the parents decide to come home on Sunday instead of Monday, in the middle of the girls THIRD party of the weekend. They called the cops. BRAVO to the parents. What has me scratching my head is the dreaded comment section trolls...I'm sorry, but one minute you lambast parents over not parenting and NOW, when parents try to teach their children a tough lesson in life (mainly that there are consequences to acting like a douche) you call them lazy and say it was a "horrible decision, the girls could end up in foster care and it could ruin their chances of getting into college because mom and dad didn't want to parent, they preferred to waste taxpayer dollars." Excuse me? What? I would imagine that ground rules were laid down and when the parents found out that the party they busted was not the first, nor the second, but the THIRD one of the weekend, they did what any parent would do..lost their shit..it just so happens that the lost shit included a phone call to the po-po...Bottom line...doubt Drunky-Drunkerton and her little sister will throw another three day kegger, which was kind of mom and dad's point, wasn't it?
Zombies...seriously...get the fuck over zombies....AIN'T HAPPENING!!!!

And finally, anyone who claims to not be a fan of Bon Jovi....you are an asshat with no taste and you seriously make me scratch my head at the thought of not being a fan...I mean, really, Ethel...did you see that ass? (LOL...just found out there is a blog dedicated to his ass...I just became a fan) But really...how can you not be a fan of this....

GAAAAAAH!

As I said yesterday on FB I don't normally quote song lyrics, but "The Rodeo Song" is appropriate to quote on any occasion..."Piss me off, fucking jerk, you get on my nerves," can be said at anytime, especially today.

I've said time and again that I really need to stay off of the "comment" section, but it's like crack....I just can't stop. Today I was treated to an especially kind troll who called me a Republican Terrorist because I thought it funny that Bruce Braley was whining about lack of towel service and that he "had to do his own laundry" when going to the gym that he pays a membership fee to. I added that BOTH political parties were a joke and were broken....hmmm, yeah, that automatically means I'm a republican terrorist..(insert Rodeo Song lyric). Look assclown, while it's true I tend to lean Republican when voting, when one says BOTH parties are to blame how is that leaning toward one side or the other? Also, its doesn't matter if Rep. Braley was taken out of context, saying the phrase, "We don't have towel service and I am doing my own laundry" is a preposterous statement to make in ANY context while the government is shut down. The bipartisan toddler-like antics that are perpetuated by assclowns who call total strangers "republican terrorists" is what's wrong with today's political climate. 

I do NOT agree with everything Republican and I do NOT agree with everything Democrat...if that makes me a terrorist, so be it. I am against the concept that everyone is entitled to the same slice of pie, no matter their work ethic or lack of it. I am against more government. I am against spending more and more and more no matter what. If that equals me being a terrorist, label away you (insert song lyric).

Phew...now that I've gotten that off my chest, please excuse my while I load my water bottle with gin and pause for a cigarette, I may need one after that.

Ok..now for what pissed me off first thing this morning, the dad of the 9-year old stowaway who boarded a plane to Las Vegas without a ticket or a boarding pass, after repeatedly sneaking into water parks, stealing and crashing a truck, all while on out of school suspension for fighting. NINE YEARS OLD...I am thinking Miss Jaci who loves kittens and cartwheels and dance class...she is nine years old. Dad was on national tv this morning begging for help, while wrapped in a hoodie with a hat covering his face and a "family spokesperson" doing most of the speaking for him, as he was begging for help. As I've stated, let me offer this piece of advice, "Insert your foot into his ass and repeat as necessary." He claims that the child was taking out the trash or supposed to be at a friend's house...here's what's wrong with this picture. If my NINE year old is suspended for fighting, or for any reason, for that matter...there is no "friend's house" there is MY constant supervision. I would handcuff the little shit to my side, where I went, he went...if I had to shit, he could wipe my ass. While I do know that there are diagnoses like "oppositional defiance disorder" in my opinion, some of this behavior is learned and it's learned because mom and dad were constantly looking the other way. I'm sure somewhere in Dad's statement was something about "the system failing" perhaps they system has failed, but you know what Dad? So have you; take off your hoodie, own up to the problem and then, maybe your plea for help would be legitimized. (Again, I think we can insert "The Rodeo Song" lyric here....now excuse me while I refill my gin.

I'm offended

this is a shoot off from yesterday's FB rant..because seriously, I'm offended by everyone getting offended. Perhaps I have entitlement issues. Perhaps I just don't care, either way, ya'll are starting to piss me the fuck off with your whining.
While it's true, I've never been (to my knowledge anyway) discriminated against. I am white, middle class, and Iowan....there's not much to discriminate there...so its true that I don't know what discrimination feels like, but I'm pretty sure, I wouldn't get my panties in a wad over the name of a football team. (i.e. the fight to change the name of the Washington Redskins is rearing its head again...and let me guess the poor, discriminated, humiliated one leading the charge is probably 1/17th percent tribal?)
But, the more I think about the outrage, maybe I should get pissed. Damn you Minnesota, how dare you name your team the Vikings? I am of Danish descent, the Vikings were most definitely Danish. They delighted in pillaging, raping and bashing the skulls of their enemies in with rocks. What outlandish and immoral behavior. How dare you glorify their criminal actions and use a dark time in my ancestry's past to your benefit? And you, Green Bay Packers..I am offended by the sexual nature of your team name...the Packers? Really, pray tell who are you packing? And to the USC Trojans...honestly, I am offended that your team is named after a condom. (Do you see how ridiculous this sounds?) Its a freaking name of a football team that honestly, I doubt that anyone really gives two thoughts about the meaning behind. Rename them the Honkeys or the Whiteys and I wouldn't give a shit less. Hell, call them the Wheelers, after all, no one knows what a Wheeler really is....
The government is shut down, there are military families who are not getting death benefits owed to them, there are senior citizens not getting social security, children who are going hungry, healthcare is in shambles and we are about to be OWNED by China because we are going to default on our loans and you want to piss and moan about the name of a football team because, you're offended....well guess what? THAT offends me.
I am getting goddamned sick and tired of our watered down, wishy washy, outraged over everything, ban this, change the name of that, milquetoast society we are living in. I am Christian so I am going to tell you Merry Christmas..I celebrate Christmas, as in the birth of Christ...I don't give a shit what you celebrate and I won't tell you Happy Holidays. If that offends you...suck it Trebek.
I celebrate Halloween, it is a fun, frivolous, candy and booze filled event (depending on the age of the reveler). I don not celebrate "fall" or "Harvest." Just because I say Happy Halloween, that does not mean I worship Satan or practice Wiccan. To say Happy Halloween to a child will not cause irreparable damage, nor will having a Halloween party and if you don't like that, let me introduce you to my middle finger.
I am sick to death of protests and bans and "change this or else." Don't we have bigger things to worry about? Pull the panties out of your asscrack and calm the fuck down...

Damn people

I really do try not to be a heartless bitch, but sometimes, karma gives me the ammunition to be one. And once again, if you agree with the label, so be it, sorry.
I think by now we all know the story of Kathyln Shephard and her friend Dezi, who were kidnapped last summer. Kathlyn was murdered, Dezi escaped. I cannot fathom what young Dezi went through, what she is still coping with and what she will face as she continues to grow up. However, her tragedy does not exempt her from following rules.
Let me explain, Dezi is on the volleyball team and her therapist encourages the sport and her participation is actually considered part of her therapy. Terrific, being involved in a team sport is wonderful and I applaud her, her family and her therapist. Being a part of the volleyball team, she is expected to dress up on game days. Well guess what? This week, she decided not to and was benched. Mom cried foul (calling WHo-TV, CNN and the Today Show) and proceeded to proclaim that the treatment was unfair and that participating is part of her therapy. This is where my bitch comes in....if the team rules are that she dress up on game day and she chooses not to, she knows she's violating the rules and has to face the consequences, in this case, sit out a game. Other players chose not to dress up and also had to sit out.
Regardless of what you think of a "dress-up" policy, it is in place and it was ignored. Damn that coach for actually following through on something. (Need for sarcasm font.)
When I saw the story, at first I thought, "give the kid a break" but then when she said, "I think the rule is dumb" to me that was an admission of, "I don't like the rule, I don't want to follow it." I also thought for a few minutes, that with it being the first of October, this was probably not the first volleyball game of the year, meaning she has followed the rule before and simply chose not to this time.
Sorry hon, I understand you've been through hell and back, BUT, rules are rules, and whether you think they are "dumb" or not...they are meant to be followed and if you don't there are consequences. Athletic shorts, a camo hoodie and cowgirl boots, are not considered, "dress clothes" by anyones estimation.
We had to dress up on game days. My son's wrestling team is still "encouraged" although not required to dress up. (I think it should be required) I, personally, think its great to see a team dressed up as they enter or leave the locker room. I, personally, hate the sweatpants craze that resides in high schools today. (For shit sake, does it really take that much more effort to button and zip a pair of jeans than it does to throw on those "love pink" sweat pants?) Look better, feel better, perform better...its a theory I don't always practice (and despised when implemented at my dj job, where I sat in a sound-proof box and no one saw me), however, I do see the merit in it.
While again, my heart aches thinking of what she endured, accountability has to start somewhere and its a bitch of a lesson to learn. I have much more of a problem with the mother making this a news story than I do with the school standing behind the coach that enforced the policy. If that makes me a heartless bitch...I'll wear that hat today.

Apparently I ask

for too much....for it seems that more and more often I am left with the taste of disappointment..which, frankly, tastes like ass.
I mean, really, is it too much to ask that we have health care reform that just plain lowers costs? I don't want subsidized or given tax incentives, I just want lower prices. Give me a health care menu, per se. I will pay more for emergency room and orthopedic services because I have a high schooler who plays football and wrestles and a husband with back issues, but I don't want maternity coverage, because this factory is closed. Why can't health insurance be more like car insurance? If I get a new car and I want more coverage, I will choose full coverage. If I have an '08 Ford 500, I will take the "liability plus comp" option...if I have a piece of shit, I will take the liability only, BUT I have the option to add more or change coverage whenever I want. WE should, as a fairly healthy family, be able to say, I want X amount of coverage. If the day comes where we need more (we get that new car) we add what we need, when we need it...does that make sense? Is that too much to ask? Apparently.
Is it really too much to ask that our data plan works when we want it to work and how we want it to work? Seriously, since we added data plans to our phones its been nothing but a for fuck around. Retailer entered the data plan in wrong, meaning we paid PER online visit on all three of our phones for two months before it got fixed... Add to the fact that we just got a hotspot...go to use it this morning only to find out that the retailer entered it into the system wrong, so he disconnected it...with no notice. AND we have to drive to the retailer to have it hooked up again, it can't be done over the phone....but I'm sure we will be billed the full amount for the month...Do your job, do it correctly, make things right when you fuck up, is that too much to ask? Apparently.
Can I just once, log onto the internet and NOT have to see something about Miley Cyrus or George Zimmerman...I don't give a fuck if Zimmerman's wife has filed for divorce....this dead horse has been beaten to death...move the fuck on. Apparently, it's too much to ask.
I would ask more questions, but as I've pointed out, my answers are apparent.

Insecure, for sure

Food insecurity has been in the news a lot lately. For those not familiar, basically, there are more people, in the U.S. and in the state of Iowa, who at some point, struggle to provide enough food for their family members. (Wow, lots of commas in there...I like commas)
Food pantries are seeing less donations and an increased number of people are on food stamps. There are many who cry foul, especially in Iowa. How can we, the state who claims to "feed the world" have residents who have food insecurity?
There is no simple answer to this, but here are a few of my theories on the matter...(I am no expert, just a lowly, farm raised redneck with an opinion.)
1) Yes, we do feed the world...number one in soybean production, number one in pork production, number one in corn production, number one in egg production....well here, perhaps this will better lay it all out for you.. http://www.nass.usda.gov/Statistics_by_State/Iowa/Publications/Rankings/2012%20Rankings.pdf

With those statistics in mind, and remembering I am no expert and fortunately, have never found my self needing assistance with food, how many of those products do the truly food insecure purchase? Now, don't get me wrong, there are a good number, I am sure, who do try to purchase dairy, eggs, and meat, when they can, but let me throw this out there to you. You can get a dozen eggs for less than $2. A serving is 2 eggs, therefore, six, high protein, pretty good for you servings can be purchased for less than $2. How often does that happen, when you can get a few boxes of kraft mac and cheese instead? While we, as a state, produce a large number of food products that get exported all over the place, two of our number one products, corn and soybeans, are not "table ready." Farmers take a load of verbal abuse from the uneducated peanut gallery for "feeding the world" yet having people in Iowa who go hungry. Well, Einstein, we do not have the climate to grow a lot of "table ready" products on a mass scale. We have the climate and land to grow row crops, so we do, and we do it well.
2) I believe there is a portion of the food insecure who has no idea how to cook, nor do they care to learn. Case and point...my aunt volunteers for Caring and Sharing, during the holidays, they put together "holiday boxes," with donations given by various organizations, individuals and churches. There was a time where five or ten pound bags of potatoes were on the "requested donation" list. That is no longer the case. Why? Year after year, the potatoes were thrown in the garbage because, "I don't know what to do with those" was the answer given when offered a bag of russets. Do you know how far you can stretch a 10 pound bag of potatoes and how many different things you can do with them? I do, but sadly, others do not. I have another friend, who when volunteering, saw a person load her basket with boxes of mac and cheese. My friend suggested that she also take a can of tuna and a can of peas and that the three things could be combined into one casserole, stretching it a little further and making it a little more filling. The response she got, "That sounds like too much work." Now, again, I realize this is a generalization, but really?
3) Often I read, "When I was growing up, mom fed us all from things we raised and grew and now, all of that land is sold to greedy, corporate farmers." There are a few things wrong with that argument...maybe not wrong, but certainly skewed. While its true, that growing up, a great many of us were fed with products grown and raised on the farm, the times they are a changing, and do you know why? It's hard work. Work that people are not willing to do, work that people are unable to do. When I was growing up, and the generation before me grew up, there were VERY few double income families. Mom stayed home, tended the garden, gathered the eggs, butchered the chickens and canned as much of her garden produce as she could. Yes, Dad was in the field, haying cows, feeding pigs, etc. One steer and one hog was saved back from market each year and butchered and the freezers were filled. Sadly, THAT DOESN'T HAPPEN ANY MORE. And it's not because the "greedy, corporate farmers" have bought all of the land, it's because it is not financially feasible, nor do people have the facilities, time or energy to sustain that lifestyle. (And if you think "greedy corporate farmers" are the reason family farms are dwindling, try googling 80's Farm Crisis and doing a little research)
 How many of you grow a garden? How many of you know how to can produce? How many of you have space at your home where you can feed a hog or a steer (or know how to) or own a chicken coop? How many of you can bake a loaf of bread from scratch? Here's what I know...after putting in an eight hour day at one job, and sometimes going on to a second one, I have no desire to weed a garden or get out the rolling pin and put up a few loaves of bread. BUT, if I had to, if it meant feeding my family, or not,  you can bet your sweet ass I would. But, sadly, there are those who would choose not to.
While raising a steer to butcher or even having a chicken coop is not feasible for the majority of the population (pretty hard to have a 1,200 pound calf and a dozen chickens in the back yard in downtown Audubon) it doesn't take much more than a few 12 inch pots to grow a shitload of tomatoes that can be canned or frozen, made into pasta sauce that will last LONG after the growing season has ended, you just have to have the drive to make it happen. (Me thinks that if you can't figure out how to microwave a russet, you won't be a great gardener, either.)
While, I am getting a little rambly here, I guess what I am trying to get at, is that, while I don't disagree there are more people who wonder if they will be able to feed their family each night, I wonder if the numbers are slightly skewed by the few who don't necessarily try? No child should go hungry, but if that child is hungry because of "I don't know what to do with a potato," I certainly wouldn't try to pin the problem on farmers not feeding their own....

I'm exhausted

because contrary to someone's belief, me waking up from my grizzly like hibernation to find out one is still playing cards at 1 a.m. does not mean I hate him...it means I am worried/concerned, because I (sadly) am approaching the age where you begin to realize its sort of true that not much good happens after midnight. I tried to explain that if I didn't love him, I would continue to hibernate and drool on my pillow not giving two fucks....instead, awake I was and when he did surface, and proceed to snore louder than I do, to the point where it sounded like he was attempting to swallow his own tongue, I remained awake.
SO, moral of the story kids...this may jump around and ramble...Deal. I am also (sadly) approaching the age where too much coffee and or red bull gives me heartburn.
I have learned that more than one Fiber One bar in the day is too much.....much too much...
I feel bad for people who hold grudges for a really long time (like more than a year or two). Chances are the person who wronged you or did whatever you're grudging them for, has already forgotten and moved on and you are just wasting energy on someone who really doesn't give a shit about the grudge you have.
(Note my extreme redneckedness in this one) Those who are shocked about the sanctions handed down to Michael Waltrip Racing, following Sunday's NASCAR race in Richmond, in which one teammate "threw" the race in order to better another, have obviously never been to an IMCA dirt track race at the Des Moines or Stuart Speedways.....ask any driver, it happens all the time....
Those who are shocked that I know anything about this have obviously stumbled upon by blog erroneously, as I can talk NASCAR, and dirt track racing...and farming... (Would you care for me to explain what EPD's are in reference to breeding cattle stock?) and football...(why yes, I do know what a double tight end set is.) I can also talk nail polish, recipes, shoes, celebrity gossip and own a glue gun.
In addition to realizing I have have shitty eyesight and long arm pit hairs, I must also have sucker written on my forehead as I now am the proud owner of $20 worth of ice cold fresh California citrus sold out the the back of some dude's truck.....with Arkansas license plates....at least he gave free samples, too...see I told you I was tired!