Walk of shame

Its been a horrifyingly long time since I've checked in with ya'll. Life has been busy in the barnyard! We've had a graduation, a 40th birthday, a dance recital, a cattle show, a goat show, volleyball camp, a garden plot to plant (whose bright fucking idea was that?) and calving season is finally over and all the ladies have been moved to the pasture. A few ladies have even been moved back home so their kiddos can become show calves! There's never a dull moment in the barnyard!
Since its been such a long time, I think I need to just purge some thoughts...
Chicken is chicken. I don't want to eat anything that "tastes like chicken" I will just order the chicken. And when I order the chicken, I will only order chicken breast. If something (like for instance a taco salad) gives the chicken option, unless that bitch says, "all white meat chicken breast" this heffa ain't touching it...#whatthefuckisthatbigchunk...
Freddy, Freddy, Freddy, I feel like the prom king just dumped me. However, I can't be too mad, because he did it for the right reasons. He has health issues. His dream has been to coach in the NBA. BDJ and the first round loss in the NCAA's done pissed him off. Still, I have a hole where Hoiberg used to be. (Wow, that sounds a lot dirtier than I anticipated it would.)
The Caitlin FKA Bruce getting the Arthur Ashe Award for courage from ESPN story...I've not seen a shit storm this big since the epic failure that was the Seinfeld finale. (Oooh, here come the But, but, but's ready to argue with me). I do believe that Lauren Hill would have been a better honoree. I do believe her battle and her story relates to a greater audience. I also believe that ESPN is pandering a bit to the current popularity of Caitlin's story. While I do believe that what he/she has done took courage and that someone with her tabloid status doing something like this and sharing her story makes it easier for others dealing with the same issues, I think ESPN is just trying to cash in on the story.  In the past several years the award has had a lot less to do with sports and courage and a lot more to do with social issues. And there are usually more losers than winners when it comes to award given for subjective reasons. By the way, I also think her reaction to winning (Tweeting, "What do I wear?") was low rent. AND, I also think its complete and utter bullshit that she's so good at applying makeup. (I also think far too many people are getting their panties in a wad over this. Do you know her? Does it affect you directly? No? Then move the fuck on...)
Taking my own advice, moving on to the lunch lady who was fired because she gave a crying little girl who didn't have lunch money a lunch. There HAS to be more to this story. I certainly don't think the lady should have lost her job for making sure a hungry child got something to eat, BUT, just how far behind were the parents on their lunch account? How many times had this happened in the past? How many warnings had the parents been given? Did she pay for the meals or did she just "give" it to the girl? There are policies in place, as dumb as they may be, they are still in place and if she knew them and violated them anyway, then???? I get it, the food was going to be thrown away anyway, but it seems like more and more society is saying, "rules don't apply." By the same token, parents, you had that child. You must make sure that child's needs are taken care of. School lunch costs somewhere around $2. This district (and many others) let you fall so far in the hole before sending out a notice and then providing the child with a sandwich and a milk.  Parental responsibility has to factor in somewhere. I have some very good friends who are educators and we have this conversation a lot. Parental responsibility and accountability is becoming a thing of the past. More and more parents are taking no ownership when it comes to the success (or failure) of their children when it comes to their education. Making sure your child does their homework, does their reading, hands in their assignments, doesn't go to school hungry or has their lunch money all factor into making sure they are a successful student. I certainly feel for not only the hungry little girl, who had no fault in this situation and for the woman who lost her job. But, I also see the problem the district was faced with. Its sad because there had to have been a better way to handle this situation ALL the way around.
And finally, tomorrow is National Donut Day...something we can ALL look forward to and celebrate without controversy..

Rules, Schmooles

As the saying goes, "Rules are made to be broken..." and I have indeed broken a few (hundred) in my day. However, even dumb rules are still rules and if we chose not to follow them, we have to be prepared for the consequences. And I'm sorry, rules that are written in black and white and handed to you are ones in which you cannot feign ignorance..
There are two such instances that have been filling my interweb pages today. The first has to do with excused versus unexcused absences. (A rule in which I have had my asshairs knotted about before.)
It seems that Mike Rossi, a radio announcer from (somewhere, its really not pertinent) took his kids out of school to watch him run the Boston Marathon. They took a few extra days to sight see, swim, eat, etc. Upon returning to school Mr. Rossi was SHOCKED! Shocked I tell you, to learn that those days were counted as unexcused absences, and he was sent a form letter explaining the school's attendance policy. That letter and his response has now gone viral.
He's "outraged" because the family vacation included a number of educational experiences. Life lessons were learned, tears were shed, laps were swam and blocks were walked (counting towards PE time) and yet, those days his precious snowflakes missed were not counted as excused absences. To which I say, boo fucking hoo....in what alternate universe does one think that a family vacation is excused? In what alternate universe does one think "rules don't apply to me, because I am a special snowflake!" (Thats right, its no alternate, its current day USA)
I too have taken my kids out of school for trips, which have had an educational component. I too get a little peeved when I get the letter explaining the attendance policy and I too agree that education happens outside of the classroom, all the time. HOWEVER, where does one draw the line? Rules like this are made hard and fast, because what one person deems an "educational experience" another person deems bullshit. Wouldn't a shopping trip be deemed educational if one was going into a fashion career or if the kids were made to spend within their budget and do math while in the check out line? Wouldn't a week long beach trip be called educational if the kids picked up shells along the beach and went snorkeling? (Science?)
The part that really irks me is that this guy feigned ignorance when it came to the policy...um, sorry douchebag, I'm certain your school has a handbook and I'd bet my left tit it includes the attendance policy.
The second such instance is a parent bitching about the dress code. Another one of those policies that is clearly laid out in the school handbook and clearly communicated to the parents. Yes, I agree its a bit on the ridiculous side that five year olds are being looked at sideways for wearing sundresses with spaghetti straps, HOWEVER, the dress code clearly states no spaghetti straps and if my 10 year old can't wear them, neither can your five year old...again, hard and fast rules made to eliminate any grey area. If you don't like it? Take your child to a school where they have uniforms. Problem solved.
I get really tired of the "rules don't apply to me because I am special and I don't like the rules" attitude society has today. I sure as shit don't like a number of rules/laws that I am supposed to follow. But I know I am expected to do so, or there could be consequences....something few people are learning to live with these days.
[Policing morals and moral decisions (i.e. if you are a grown ass adult that wants to lock himself in his basement and get high while the kids are at grandma's house,) that seems like its no one else's business, law included... that to me is a moral decision not a legal matter.. is another topic for another day...]

Sigh.....

1. There are no "jobs hiring." There are employers hiring. There are businesses hiring. There are individuals hiring. Jobs do not hire!
2. How does one's "house totally collapse..and we lost everything" with no prior warning?
3. For the love of all things holy...Fred is NOT leaving to go coach in the NBA next year. Crawl back into your troll holes you stupid fucks. He signed a new 10 year contract in 2013. He got a $50,000 bonus for Saturday's win against Kansas, a $50,000 bonus for making the NCAA tournament, will receive a $25,000 bonus for EACH NCAA playoff win AND each May he gets a $100,000 raise. (He's making $1.7 million this year.) His parents live in Ames. His inlaws live in Ames. He's FROM Ames and oh yeah, working for the NBA??? Been there, done that..so STFU, your mom is calling, your hot pocket is ready.

4. Let me see if I get this straight...In Missouri, I can shoot a police man in the head and get charged with assault and not attempted murder? Makes sense...(Are we fucking kidding here?)

5. All chicken and pork is "added" hormone free. ALL of it. Whether it says so on the package or not. It is against federal regulations to add additional hormones to pork or chicken. I am not saying the products are hormone fee, because both products naturally contain hormones. I am saying, the meat in the pretty packages that say "NO ADDED HORMONES" contain the same amount of hormones as the meat in the packages that DON'T say it. Its a marketing ploy geared at making you pay a little bit more for a supposed peace of mind on a subject you don't fully understand. It's kind of like that scene in Tommy Boy..."https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a5dpBpaFiMo" If you want me to take a dump in a box and mark it guaranteed, I will. I've got the time." I whole heartedly agree with having choices when it comes to what we eat, but for the love of GOD understand WHY you are making those choices...and please, please, please, don't make them because Food Babe or Dr. Oz told you to.

No more crabs

This post kind of picks up where I left off yesterday, on a little rant about things that piss me off...some sad news about a local business didn't help matters much, in fact, it kind of fueled my fire even more.
DISCLAIMER!! Now, I am not one who normally gives a shit if what a say "hurts your feelers" HOWEVER, in this post, I by no means am pointing fingers or pitting one organization or person or business against another, I am simply trying to get a point across and if it causes your ego to take a hit or causes you to look in the mirror and say, "oh...yeah, GUILTY!" Then my work here is done.
It really pisses me off that this community (and by community I mean whole county..hell I mean 50 square mile radius) cannot be more mutually supportive of one another.
There is nothing wrong with having certain likes and dislikes. I get that not everyone is interested in the same things or has the same tastes and that's fine, but riddle me this...does the prime rib served at the Pheasants Forever banquet taste any different than the prime rib served at the Catttlemen's and Pork Producers banquet? Why can't we have 500 people come support the current and next generation of livestock producers in this county like they support the pheasant population?
How is it that 4-500 people will come eat fish every Friday night during lent to help support the Knights of Columbus, but the Saddle Club and Crime Stoppers are lucky to have 100 people stop in for soup once a year?
Why is it we can flock to the Fourth of July parade every year, yet during the T-Bone parade we decide, "It's the last good weekend to go to the lake"?
Don't get me started on the number of excuses thrown about as to why people can't support different events at the fair...
Organizations can hold dueling piano events, mystery dinner theaters, dodge ball tournaments, fun runs, daddy daughter "prom nights" and we scoff saying, "yeah, that's not my thing" or say, "Are you kidding me? THAT'S not my crowd."  And when these organizations stop trying new things, we complain that there's "Never anything to do."
We have no problem driving 30-40 miles out of the area to go out for supper, rather than support a business on main street, yet when that business closes because of lack of patronage, we bitch that there's nowhere local to eat. (RIP Danish Inn.)
We will drive to Walnut to buy an antique coffee can without even checking to see if its something that Chuck's Bargain Barn or The Main Street Mall might have because, "Really? I haven't stepped foot in there in YEARS."
We need to stop this "exclusive," clique-driven, negative, questioning, doubting, FUN HATING, bullshit attitude we've developed! Let's support ALL of the wonderful things, events, people and businesses we have in this area!
Instead of saying, "that's not my thing" or "Yeah, that's not my 'crowd'" drop your attitude, let your hair down, have some fun and support the things we  DO have before they ALL disappear!
(I feel the need for another DISCLAIMER...I by no means, am putting down the success of one event at the expense of another...Pheasants Forever and The Knights of Colombus Fish Frys are terrific events that by no means should be put down..you could easily put different events and organizations into the equation and the point would be the same..they are also two events you will see me at (along with a host of the other things I have mentioned...)
I was talking to someone earlier this week who said, "We, as a community, have forgotten how to have fun. We'd rather point and gossip and say, 'Oh remember what they did 30 years ago?' I think they were on to something.
I have attended events and frequented establishments miles away from here, where we only knew the people we came with...never have we felt unwelcome, unwanted, or had the "What the hell are you doing here? and Who the hell are you look?" thrown our way. I cannot say the same is true, locally. We would rather question why someone is at an event or establishment instead of welcoming  their support. We would rather stare and whisper, then walk over and say, "Hello." We would rather sit back idly and watch as our businesses, organizations, events and towns dry up and then bitch about the aftermath, instead of digging in our heels, finding a positive attitude and extending a helping hand.
As I've said before, I'm not one to usually care if what I write pisses you off, but in this case, I have to say I'm sorry, but only because I KNOW WE CAN DO BETTER! Without a doubt, I know this. I've seen this. Yes, times are tough, we may have to pick and choose where our dollars go and what we can afford to support and I get that, TRUST me. But there is more than one way to skin a cat...you don't have to open your pocket book in order to show support, sometimes you can just open your mind, or open your heart.
Let's work together to shitcan this negative attitude that seems to be permeating everything and try to start having fun again. Let's try to work together. Let's try to step out of our comfort zones and for Christ's sake, lets try to build each other up instead of tearing each other down.

What's pissing me off today?

Well, thanks for asking? Where should I begin?
Oh, yes...the snow...and no I am not pissed because its snowing (It's Iowa. It's February. It's going to fucking snow.) I'm pissed because we can't decide how much snow we might or might not get. I realize that forecasting is simply hazarding a well educated guess based on models, maps and the like. I just get irritated by the 4-8 inches or the 3-11 inches. Which is it? Trust me...there's a HUGE difference between 4 inches and 8 inches and you know what? Size really does matter..if you've been told it doesn't, she's lying...
The people who are bitching about the gas tax.The ones that REALLY get me are the ones who say they are against a gas tax but in favor of a sales tax? Excuse me? A gas tax is a fucking sales tax...it is a tax on people who buy gas. You buy gas you pay the tax. You don't buy gas, you don't pay the tax...can I spell it out any clearer for you? Local governments are only allowed to levy for a set amount of tax dollars for road repairs. Those local governments also can only allocate a set amount of tax dollars to their road funds. When the cost of repairs exceeds the amount of tax dollars that can be allocated, guess what happens? Roads and bridges go to shit because we don't have the money to fix them.
Now, I will be the first to admit that tax funds for roads have probably been misappropriated or used unwisely..(fancy, inlaid brick designs on the "wall" separating the houses along I-80 in Council Bluffs from the interstate...multi-million dollar rest stops along the interstate (seriously a happy medium between the Taj Mahal and the rapey shelter house style design would be good) BUT there is no better option for raising funds to fix roads than upping the gas tax.
I could go on, but alas...we're looking at about 2 inches right now and I don't want to see what six looks on the road...i'd rather see it from my living room window...Later taters..

Why not just say "thanks"?

Nothing pisses me off faster than someone talking about how uncaring, cruel and money hungry livestock producers are. Considering that 99% of those who talk have never actually stepped foot on a farm, have only read a few propaganda pieces online, and assume that the meat fairy just arrives at the grocery store to restock the coolers; trying to reason with them is like trying to explain what the color orange sounds like. #fuckingimpossible

We live in a world where anything we ever wanted to know or learn about or explore is just a click away. With the technology comes a great responsibility, as anyone can buy a domain name, write a “report” and put it on the Internet for the feeble minded and uninformed to read, buy into and believe. It makes the truth awfully hard to find and to defend.

I think its no secret to any of my readers that I am a farm girl. Grew up on a farm, still live on one and am raising kids on the farm. When I read about people bashing livestock producers and questioning the way farmers care for their livestock, I see red. And then I laugh because I know not a single one of them has one iota of understanding as to what we, as farmers, actually do! I think its bullshit that someone with a full belly and a full mouth, talks shit about an industry they know nothing about.

 I know that we are just one small cattle farm and that our stories, trials and tribulations are not unique, but here’s just a small sample of what calving season looks like to the uninitiated.

Coming home from my daughter’s basketball game on Saturday morning, I was looking at the cows in the pasture to the south while my partner in crime was looking at the heifers penned to the north. We both had an "oh shit" moment. Hubs had zeroed in on a newborn calf who was lying by it’s mother in the north pen, while I had focused on the south pen, where some over zealous ladies had busted through the barbed wire and were gathered around the hay bales, silage bag and ground hay pile. We stopped the car at the end of the driveway. I hopped out to make sure the girls didn’t meander out to the road, while the hubby went to check on the newborn and Miss Jaci put on her overalls and Muck boots.

We spent the next few hours getting the cows back in, making sure baby and mama had fresh straw and a warm corner in the barn (remember it was 15 degrees out on Saturday, with the temperature dropping) and fixing fence.

That evening one of our A.I.’ed cows, who wasn’t due to calf for another three weeks decided it was time. She was checked and the calf couldn’t be reached, so the vet was called. The result? A twisted uterus and a dead calf—and as it typically goes, she was one of our best cows. Sure, the loss of income was noted (we don't just do this for the hell of it...our kids need shoes) but the loss of life was mourned.

The next morning, as we went to sort the girls into pens, by order of who was to calf next, a cow with fresh cleanings and after birth wandered past, with no calf in tow. The calf was found a few minutes later in a snow bank in not so good shape. She was quickly brought into the bathtub where we began to warm her up and dry her off. After a few minutes, she was loaded into the front seat of the truck and driven over to my brother’s to be put in the hotbox and have some electrolytes tubed straight into her belly. The news wasn’t great, as she was given maybe a 50/50 shot at surviving. We had done everything we could for Lil’ Red, whether or not she’d survive was up to her.

Leaving Red in the hotbox, the guys returned to the farm and attempted to catch Red’s mom and put her in the barn. The words bat shit crazy and fucking psycho were repeated several times over. Needless to say, getting within 20 yards of her, let alone getting her to accept her calf was going to be a shitshow. The guys went about their work and a few hours later, Red was recovering and ready to come home. Because Mama was still acting crazy, Red went into the porch and a bottle was mixed.

Three hours later, well past dark, the guys finally finished their chores and Red was moved to her new digs, the Man Cave basement, where she will remain until Mama decides to come around, or until the weather gets above single digits.

It was quite the weekend. And we only have 60 more head of cows yet to calf. But, we’re cruel and uncaring and money hungry, so it should be no big deal, right?

How about instead of questioning the practices and work ethic of people you know nothing about you just eat your cheeseburger with a smile and say, "Thank you?" #here'sashutthefuckupcake

I think

..there could not possibly be a larger doucherocket than Kanye West....
..people who are not professionals, should not proceed as though they are. We all have gifts and are good at certain things, that doesn't mean we are on par with those who have training and experience.  While it's impressive that you own every episode of Law and Order on DVD, took a few paralegal courses at the community college and can google code references like no other, I will not pay you a $5,000 retainer for your advice, I will go with the guy who went to law school and passed the bar exam and has practiced law in several states. (Insert ANY profession in this example and it rings true.)
..if Jesus wanted us all to have small asses, lettuce would taste like chocolate and wine would be calorie free.
..if 50 Shades of Grey, Magic Mike, or that late night porn movie your hubby rented on pay per view while you were away on your girls weekend, has seriously damaged your marriage--your marriage was already seriously damaged.
..we need to go ahead and stop using TMZ, UsWeekly, ET!Online and the like as serious news outlets. I understand that in the grand scheme of things, whether or not Bruce Jenner is a shemale, means little compared to the ongoing crisis in Syria. However, it would be nice if MSN et al, could quit using the phrase, "unnamed sources close to the family told TMZ," expecting us to believe that shit.
..we should just retire the word shocking. When everything is described as "shocking" nothing really is.
..when you link your Twitter feed to your Facebook page, it makes you look like you have Tourette's. Could you at least throw a FUCK, TWAT, PUSSY or ASSCLOWN in there somewhere for good measure?
..before graduating from high school a child should be required to learn how to do the following things: fry an egg, sew on a button, start the washer/dryer, change a tire, balance a check book and change the toilet paper roll.
..writing for Cards Against Humanity would be a dream job.